Session 4 Assignment
"This novel, set in southeast Asia in the 21st century, is a masterpiece of both simple storytelling and creative symbolism. Though it was written by a member of Generation Z, there's plenty here to inspire readers from any generation and from any country around the world. It is a tale about a nation in the throes of change and a family navigating its way through these times. One is left feeling inspired and full of hope. It is astonishing that this is only the first novel by this brilliant new talent from Indonesia. Bravo!"
~ The Times Literary Supplement, London.
_______________
That was a book review that you had a dream about last night and, in that dream, you were the novelist the reviewer was talking about.
The next morning, by coincidence, you see this mysterious job offer in The Jakarta Post:
You are inspired by your dream to apply but the deadline in this evening at 7.30 pm.
The story is simple the usual story of a common Asian household with the main protagonist being the Oldest son of the family. The family itself is a broken family with the protagonist having lost his Mother when he was young, The story will highlight the struggle of the family from the time his mother died up to the point where he comes to terms with his whole families problems. Which includes with how their family is struggling financially, An abusive father who lashes out on him and his younger brother and also the growing pains of a childhood without a mother figure. His journey will make him face his father in regards to his abusive tendencies, it will show the main characters lowest lows as he fails to protect his younger brother and it will also show how he comes to terms with his peers in school. A timeskip will be implemented in the early parts of the story from his mothers death into the present time where their family is struggling and from there on out he will try to gain money through doing tasks just to be able to help feed his family and financially aid his education. and through all that he will encounter different characters that will constantly ridicule him or trick him but from those experiences he will become a stronger person. But not only will the main character grow but his family will also grow as the story progresses with them being forced to overcome the same problems. In which finally at the end of the story they will have a happy ending where the family finds opportunities to make themselves well off and also fix their family relations.
ReplyDeleteWise words from Adrian: This is a “kitchen sink” drama about an ordinary family and, if you tell the story well, it will make the ups and downs of the narrative personal and realistic. You should probably try to make the father somewhat of a sympathetic character. This would give your novel more psychological depth than if you simply portray him as a villain. I like the way you have explained how you will tell the story. In a way, this is exactly the right way to do this assignment. Others should note.
DeleteYou version: “The story is simple the usual story of a common Asian household with the main protagonist being the Oldest son of the family. The family itself is a broken family with the protagonist having lost his Mother when he was young, The story will highlight the struggle of the family from the time his mother died up to the point where he comes to terms with his whole families problems. Which includes with how their family is struggling financially, An abusive father who lashes out on him and his younger brother and also the growing pains of a childhood without a mother figure.”
My version: “This is simple story of an ordinary Asian family with the main protagonist being the older of two sons. This is a broken family with the protagonist having lost his mother when he was young, The story will highlight the struggle of the family from the time the mother died up to the point where the central character comes to terms with all his family members’ problems. These include how they are struggling financially, an abusive father who lashes out at him and his younger brother, and also the growing pains of a childhood without a mother figure.”
In a very technologically advanced society, it has become impossible for humans to die. Humans have become immortal and they can be “resurrected” back to life. Healthcare is widely accessible for all and it is possible to turn back to each individual’s prime age. The only way to die forever is to get killed by a respectable governing body of human dementors. Each dementor has a killing quota they have to fulfil precisely every year.
ReplyDeleteThis story navigates through the life of clementine, a young adult who aspires to become a successful lawyer in New York City. However, this plan derailed after her brother made a mistake of disrespecting a very reputable human dementor, Mattias, during a career day at school. Knowing the risk that is being imposed towards her family, Clementine is determined to make sure that her family will be safe. She stood up against Mattias and her fearlessness intrigued Mattias. This is because human dementors are very feared and Clementine’s boldness captivates Mattias to take her as his predecessor.
Initially feeling somber because she had to divert from her dreams of becoming a lawyer, Clementine forces through weeks of training with Matias. Killing people does not come off easy for her and being away from her family gets really hard. But what is most interesting from this story is the lessons she learned from her days with Mattias and the challenge she faced throughout Mattias’s programme. Not to mention, the problems that arise from other human dementor’s mentees because she was personally chosen by Mattias, not through a selection process like the other mentees. It also seemed like Clementine does not stray away from problems as Galaxias, another reputable human dementor is trying to kill Clementine as she unveils secrets that are deeply hidden in the governing body of human dementors.
Wise words from Adrian: This is a very interesting science fiction premise. The concept of immortality raises several philosophical questions – although I don’t see you talking much about how you plan to incorporate this. The role of the “governing body of human dementors” is intriguing. You don’t really talk about how your story will end. This is a promising proposal.
DeleteYou version: “Initially feeling somber because she had to divert from her dreams of becoming a lawyer, Clementine forces through weeks of training with Matias. Killing people does not come off easy for her and being away from her family gets really hard. But what is most interesting from this story is the lessons she learned from her days with Mattias and the challenge she faced throughout Mattias’s programme.”
My version: “Initially feeling somber because she had to divert from her dream of becoming a lawyer, Clementine forced her through weeks of training with Matias. Killing people did not come easy to her and being away from her family became really hard. But what is most interesting from this story is the lessons she learned from her days with Mattias and the challenge she faced throughout his programme.”
This novel will be remembered as a classic for future generation to come,
ReplyDeleteThe year is 2021, Owen is walking down the street, heading to the apple store to buy a new iphone 13, while crossing the road, a fast moving car hits Owen knocking him back 5 meters away, after that Owen is in a coma, hooked up to a life support machine. Fast forward 5 decades later, Owen woke up in a strange white room, then the doctor come to check up on him, Owen is baffled to learn that he was stuck in a coma for 5 decades, but when he proceed to look on a mirror, he hasnt aged a single bit. Soon enough, he learned that civilization have entered a new era of technology, nano technology, and Owen was one of the first to be injected with nano-bots 50 years ago. Nano-bots gives human super intellegence,physical strength and even cheetah like speed, this was truly something amazing that Owen learned on that day that he woke up. The goverment is now run by an Artificial Intelegence Overlord called E.V.E which decide what action the whole world will take. At first Owen was happy about this news, but only until he checked out from the hospital, the world is segregated, people who have nano-bots in their veins, referred to as the Evences and people who doesnt, who are referred to as the regulars. The regulars are being constantly opressed and even enslaved by the Evences. Seeing this Owen is mad at himself. 2 weeks later a knock was heard on Owen’s door, when he opened it there’s 1 girl claiming to be his grand daughter and she is a regular, Owen invites her inside and the girl explained that the regulars are creating a group to fight back against the system and ultimately destroy E.V.E, the girl later invited Owen to join the group and without second thought, Owen joins the group as the leader and fighter.
The Evences soon learn about this and send their military force to squash this rebelion group, but Owen fought them of valiantly, as it turns out Owen is the strongest Evences ever created, from there he destroyed Evences base and facility one by one before reaching E.V.E itself. After reaching E.V.E, they talk to each other and Owen finds out that E.V.E is not actually evil, but its being used by the Evences elite for their own good, but E.V.E realized that it has done a lot of wrong in this world towards the human, so it self destruct and making sure no more Evences will e created in the future. The regulars rejoiced as they have won this fight that lasted decades since the first discovery of nanobots, Owen then move to a country side, created a ranch and live his live as he would 50 years ago accompanied by his grand daughter.
Wise words from Adrian: Waking up from a coma and finding a world with very different technology is an interesting premise. You have to make sure there is a story arc for the Owen character: he has to develop, face challenges, suffer setbacks, overcome them, and then be different at the end of the story. I think this novel has the chance of having an enthusiastic audience. You will need to pay just as much attention to psychological details as you do to technological details.
DeleteYou version: “The year is 2021, Owen is walking down the street, heading to the apple store to buy a new iphone 13, while crossing the road, a fast moving car hits Owen knocking him back 5 meters away, after that Owen is in a coma, hooked up to a life support machine. Fast forward 5 decades later, Owen woke up in a strange white room, then the doctor come to check up on him, Owen is baffled to learn that he was stuck in a coma for 5 decades, but when he proceed to look on a mirror, he hasnt aged a single bit.”
My version: “The year is 2021, and Owen is walking down the street, heading to the Apple store to buy a new iPhone 13. Then, while crossing the road, a fast moving car hits him flinging him five meters away. As a result, Owen falls into a coma, and is hooked up to a life support machine. Fast forward five decades: Owen wakes up in a strange white room. A doctor comes to check up on him, Owen is baffled to learn that had been in a coma for so long, but when he looks in the mirror, he hasn’t aged a bit.”
The novel will discuss mental health from Disney movie perspectives. Half of us experience a mental health disorder in our lifetime, either personal struggle or someone we care about has it. Mental health is not the most inviting subject when it comes to movies. It is often stigmatized and misrepresented.
ReplyDeleteThroughout Disney’s long history, it has not always been sunshine and rainbows. Many Disney movies have some aspect of darkness in them. Thus, this novel will unreal and discuss some of the characters in the Disney Movie.
We can start the novel by discussing the storyline of Finding Nemo. This movie is known to portray some mental illness in the characters. The movie is about a father, Marlin, and his journey across the ocean to rescue his son. He is known to have an anxiety disorder. The movie shared some of his personal experiences that caused him to develop an anxiety disorder, such as witnessing his wife and most of their eggs getting killed. Due to that incident, he became an over-protective parent. Throughout the film, Marlin overcomes his terror of the ocean and allows Nemo, his son, more independence.
His journey reflects how exposure therapy, a treatment for anxiety, works. During exposure therapy, a therapist helps clients face their fears in a supportive environment. By directly facing their fears, clients learn that most anxiety-provoking situations are not life-threatening. Like Marlin, many clients may feel more capable of making friends, being better parents, or going on adventures after treatment.
By discussing such stories in-depth, we can help to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health, allowing others to be more open about their condition and eventually seek professional help. Relatable characters who successfully manage psychological problems can provide both hope and a starting point for tough conversations.
Wise words from Adrian: Mmm. This seems to be a proposal for a non-fiction book (and a very interesting one, I will admit). If you want to discuss this topic, but do it in a fictional way, you need a plot with characters where all the information and ideas you have described above is delivered in a way that is interwoven with the story that you are telling. For example: a film maker wants to make a critical documentary about mental health as it is handled by Disney movies. The Walt Disney Corporation hears about this and tries to sabotage and block his plans. The story is about the ups and downs of the struggle to make the film and, in the process of telling this tale, all your ideas about mental health in Disney movies comes out, almost like a subplot. Another example would be a novel about a writer of a NON-FICTION book about mental health struggling to get it published and being asked to add more and more films to his or her book.
DeleteI found this list: 10 Disney Characters with Obvious Mental Disorders…
Ariel, "The Little Mermaid," Disney, 1989
Belle, "Beauty and the Beast," Disney, 1991
Gaston, "Beauty and the Beast," Disney, 1991
Scar, "The Lion King," Disney, 1994
Peter Pan, "Peter Pan Diamond Edition," Disney, 2012
Moana "Moana," Disney, 2016
Elsa, "Frozen," Disney, 2013
Anna "Frozen"Disney, 2013
Mulan, "Mulan," Disney, 1998
Pinocchio "Pinocchio," Disney, 1992 (re release)
It’s interesting that Finding nemo is not listed. You would need to incorporate several films.
A low-skilled yet loyal employee (A) at an oil and gas company longs to have a seat in the big shots and out of his boring menial tasks - showing his depravity with constant sighing, obnoxious complaints to other co-workers, as well as voicing out unwanted ideas during meetings. His enthusiasm becomes recognized, however, as one day his boss invites him to work in out in the field as a manager in charge of overlooking underground oil extractions at a new location. Without much of a thought, A accepts the offer and is quickly dispatched out the very next day with a shiny badge and a brand-new ironed out suit. Work as the new branch manager proved to be the peak of his career! No more typing out the same boring reports and certainly no more bowing down to his younger, yet more successful co-workers. His rainbow days are cut off short though when a miner under his watch faints and collapses on the job. Everything starts to go downhill from there. Demonstrations from environmentalists and trade unions soon surround their high fences, yet he realizes grimly that attempts to communicate with his higher-ups are ignored.
ReplyDeleteUnbeknownst to A, he was initially only chosen to play the role of the company's scapegoat. The opportunity, however, exposes A to the unprecedented realities of environmental harm, worker exploitation, and capitalist greed. He develops a close relationship with the manual workers working under him; listening to their stories, treats them as equals and brothers in arms. He observes the backgrounds behind what lead them to work low-paying jobs and hears out what they have to say and judges how the company has been treating them. Throughout the journey, A undergoes a massive transformation from blindly following corporate culture and shaking heads at protests, to unlearning company propaganda and playing an active part in environmental activism. Using the pseudonym 'A', he transforms into a renowned whistleblower, applauded and at the same time sued for exposing the oil industry's injustice. He sets off not only to change one company, but calls out the state as well, fighting for a better and just system.
Wise words from Adrian: This is a corporate drama. You may be the first student to propose somethimng along these lines. You should probably try to make the A a somewhat sympathetic character so that your novel has more psychological depth than if you simply portray him as an obnoxious person. Indeed, perhaps your readers could be made to sympathize with him and understand why he is obnoxious! Then his transformation into a hero whistleblower will be more credible.
DeleteYou version: “A low-skilled yet loyal employee (A) at an oil and gas company longs to have a seat in the big shots and out of his boring menial tasks - showing his depravity with constant sighing, obnoxious complaints to other co-workers, as well as voicing out unwanted ideas during meetings. His enthusiasm becomes recognized, however, as one day his boss invites him to work in out in the field as a manager in charge of overlooking underground oil extractions at a new location.”
My version: “A low-skilled yet loyal employee (A) at an oil and gas company longs to have a seat alongside the big shots and escape from his boring menial tasks; he shows his rudeness with constant sighing, obnoxious complaints to other co-workers, as well as by voicing unwanted ideas during meetings. His enthusiasm becomes recognized, however, as one day his boss invites him to work out in the field as a manager in charge of oil extractions at a new location.”
The year is 2020, the pandemic has just ended and everybody is required to get vaccinated. What we don’t know is, what is inside the vaccine and are there any side effects? We skip to the year 2021 where everything is normal and life is like what it used to be. But, in the middle of the year, almost everybody has a high fever and everything went chaos. The fever lasted for three days for each person, some survive but some died tragically. After those three days, every person gains some unique powers and it is different for every person. The setbacks are some say it as a defect and they hated their new ability. They channel their anger by going rebel and became a supervillain.
ReplyDeleteAn 18-year-old boy name Cole lived in an apartment with his parents and two other siblings. He got lucky because he receives a power that most of his friends envy. He got the ability to control three elements that is fire, ice, and lightning. This is so rare because most people only have either one of those elements. Not only that, he can run really fast, but he couldn’t reach lightning speed. Despite all of that, he hated his powers because he wanted his old life where everything is normal. All of his family members have basic powers like dad can read quickly, mom can communicate with plants, his brother could remember easily, and his sister could float, not flying. He has a conspiracy theory that these side effects are purposefully programmed inside the vaccine by the government. It is his biggest desire to find out without any of his family members knowing about it.
Wise words from Adrian: A story about gaining and using superpowers. This sounds like the text one might find on the back cover of the novel in a bookshop; a sample of the beginning of the story – its premise - designed only to make people want to buy it and not to tell me, the publisher, where your story goes and what its ending will be.
DeleteYou version: “The year is 2020, the pandemic has just ended and everybody is required to get vaccinated. What we don’t know is, what is inside the vaccine and are there any side effects? We skip to the year 2021 where everything is normal and life is like what it used to be. But, in the middle of the year, almost everybody has a high fever and everything went chaos. The fever lasted for three days for each person, some survive but some died tragically. After those three days, every person gains some unique powers and it is different for every person.”
My version: “The year is 2020, and the pandemic has just ended and everybody is required to get vaccinated. What we don’t know is what is inside the vaccine and whether there will be any side effects. We skip to the year 2021 where everything is normal and life is like what it used to be. However, in the middle of the year, almost everybody has a high fever and everything turns to chaos. The fever lasts for three days: some people survive but others die tragically. After those three days, every person gains a different, unique power.”
Change is the only constant thing in this world. Enter the world of Veloria, a nation with a corrupt king that’s recently been replaced by his opponent, a young, smart, selfless female politician who prioritizes the well-being of Velorians more than her own. During the years of the former king’s regime, native Velorians, especially females, have been suffering from oppression, one example being they are not allowed to have a career of their own in any industry. This soon changes after the authoritarian king died from a snake bite that some people believe was well intended. His death brought upon a positive change for the rest of the nation, especially for a small matrifocal family in South Veloria – with Linda as the head of the household, and her two children Cyril and Archer. As ordered by the previous Velorian law, Linda couldn’t get a job legally, so she made a living from pretending to be male and getting a job as a mailman. It was essential that she fake her identity and make herself look as masculine as possible, but with the new queen in the nation, Linda can now get an official job without having to hide her true self. The story proceeds to cover Linda’s career after the new law was legalized. Linda, now a successful retail business owner, becomes Veloria’s richest woman alive, having more than 500 retail branches operate around the world. She’s also built a women’s community center where women could get information about job vacancies and medical support. Linda now sees a bright future ahead of her and her two kids. She is very well inspired to make Veloria a better place for women to live in.
ReplyDeleteWise words from Adrian: I think this story has an historical setting – you don’t say explicitly. It’s important because historical fiction has a big market. It also provides a prism through which you can look at contemporary issues or events. Linda posing as a man is an ingenious plot device. It’s an interesting proposal – a life story, without magic, science fiction or a dystopia – but it’s not clear what climax or finale you propose to build up to.
DeleteYou version: “The story proceeds to cover Linda’s career after the new law was legalized. Linda, now a successful retail business owner, becomes Veloria’s richest woman alive, having more than 500 retail branches operate around the world. She’s also built a women’s community center where women could get information about job vacancies and medical support. Linda now sees a bright future ahead of her and her two kids. She is very well inspired to make Veloria a better place for women to live in.”
My version: “The story proceeds to cover Linda’s career after the new law is legalized. Linda, now a successful retail business owner, becomes Veloria’s richest woman, having more than 500 retail branches operating around the world. She has also built a women’s community center where women can get information about job vacancies and medical support. Linda now sees a bright future ahead of her and her two kids. She is very inspired to make Veloria a better place for women to live.”
There was once a regular family of five – an Ayah, a Bunda, Lila, Tiana and baby Benny – living in the suburbs of Jakarta. In every family, the Ayah is rather clueless and the Bunda is a beacon of hope and happiness in life. In this particular family, Ayah is a passive figure who doesn’t really do much but tend to the precious roses in his garden and change baby Benny’s diapers. Meanwhile, Bunda is an extremely capable, multitalented woman with a knack for opening jars, doing taxes, plumbing, woodwork and car repairs. Not to mention, she makes a mean plate of nasi goreng. One day, the local government receives a deciphered message about the end of the world being just literal weeks away from them. In order to prepare the citizens for the absolute worst, the governments hatch a plan. The worst thing they can imagine ever happening to their people? If all the Bundas of the city were taken away one silent night – no message left behind, no warning, no return date. Nothing. The day after the disappearance of all Bundas in the city, all families wake up in shock. Where had their beacon of hope and happiness gone to? Who was going to help Lila with her trigonometry homework, or teach Tiana how to change a tire, or cuddle baby Benny to sleep after dinner?
ReplyDeleteThis state of utter confusion and despaire lasts for almost 3 weeks. During that time, Ayah had gained the skill of not just changing baby Benny’s diaper, but also showering him, Lila almost burned the house down trying to cook Bunda’s nasi goreng, Tiana figured out how to do pretty much everything she would need to know in automobile repairs, and baby Benny grew a tooth. Despite their somewhat-newfound independence from Bunda, they all still missed her terribly. Ayah cried every night, though he never admitted this directly – Lila and Tiana just happen to wake up at all odd hours of the night due to their Ayah’s broken wailing. Lila had been called to the principle’s office almost every day of the week. Tiana mistook a screwdriver for a hammer the other day when she was trying to fix the windshield wiper. Baby Benny was, well, fine and dandy. It’s not like he understood much about anything going on. Then one morning, the family (minus Bunda) wakes up to a familiar humming, the smell of sweet ketchup, the sizzle of hot oil on a pan and none other than Bunda herself! There she was in all her glory. When they ask her where she had gone, Bunda shrugs and says, “What do you mean? I told you I was out on vacation with my girlfriends!”
It is then revealed that during those three weeks of absolute despair and hell, the members of all families were put in a hallucinogenic drug-induced coma and forced to mentally live a life without their Bunda so they could acquire basic skills of life that they never would have acquired otherwise. However, the Bundas were put in a coma where they vacationed to Hawaii. And only after spending trillions of Rupiah to put almost every citizen in a drug-induced coma did the government receive another deciphered message that translated to: “Just kidding. Happy April fool’s day.”
Wise words from Adrian: This is a family saga with a strong ‘feminist’ central female character. This theme has the potential to attract a wide audience. The sudden “end of the world” plot development is very interesting: a kind of dystopia. The “hallucinogenic drug-induced comas” plot device is unexpected. I must say this sounds to me like a summary of a short story – or perhaps a film – rather than an entire novel.
DeleteYou version: “There was once a regular family of five – an Ayah, a Bunda, Lila, Tiana and baby Benny – living in the suburbs of Jakarta. In every family, the Ayah is rather clueless and the Bunda is a beacon of hope and happiness in life. In this particular family, Ayah is a passive figure who doesn’t really do much but tend to the precious roses in his garden and change baby Benny’s diapers. Meanwhile, Bunda is an extremely capable, multitalented woman with a knack for opening jars, doing taxes, plumbing, woodwork and car repairs. Not to mention, she makes a mean plate of nasi goreng.”
My version: “There was once a regular family of five – a father, a mother, two daughters called Lila and Tiana, and a baby called Benny – living in the suburbs of Jakarta. In every family, the father is rather clueless and the mother is a beacon of hope and happiness in life. In this particular family, the father is a passive figure who doesn’t really do much aside from tending to the precious roses in his garden and changing baby Benny’s diapers. Meanwhile, the mother is an extremely capable, multitalented woman with a knack for opening jars, doing the taxes, plumbing, woodwork and car repairs; not to mention that she makes a mean plate of fried rice.”
The story is about a psychologist, named Dan, who works regularly on a hospital but also hired to be a private psychologist in a wealthy family in Singapore. He has one sister who is categorized as ‘too smart’ and she studies at SNU. His mom passed away on a car accident when he was in high school and his father is currently experiencing a chronic disease. He is working for a rich family in Singapore as their private psychologist and therapist. It is quite unusual to hire a psychologist instead of a family doctor. That is the point of the story. At first, everything runs well because all he has to do are listening to the family member’s story and just doing his regular job. Good thing is he got paid 10 times more than his usual salary in the hospital. When he started his third week of working in the family, everything becomes weird and suspicious. However, he keeps on doing his job to feed his family and paid for his sister’s tuition fee. Actually, the story just gets more interesting when the rich family gets into an accident. They go on a family trip to Hawaii using their own private plane. The only one who doesn’t go is the youngest son of the family. The accident happen when the family are all in the same plane flying back to Singapore, the plane crashes. The reason of the plane accident has not been discovered and the only family member who is still alive is the youngest son and he has to solve the puzzle all alone. From that day, Dan lives in the middle of threats since he holds the family’s secret and story.
ReplyDeleteWise words from Adrian: These two sentences caught my attention: “It is quite unusual to hire a psychologist instead of a family doctor. That is the point of the story.” This is certainly and intriguing set up. What you have written about your proposed novel seems like the text we might find on its back cover in a bookshop; a sample of the beginning of the story – its premise - designed only to tease people into buying it. It’s good at doing this but it does not tell me, your publisher, where your story will go exactly and what its ending will be.
DeleteYour version: “The accident happen when the family are all in the same plane flying back to Singapore, the plane crashes. The reason of the plane accident has not been discovered and the only family member who is still alive is the youngest son and he has to solve the puzzle all alone.”
My version: “The accident happens when the plane in which the family are returning to Singapore crashes. The cause of this fatal accident has not been discovered and the only survivor is the youngest son and he has to solve the puzzle all alone.”
This story is a classic murder mistery where the main character is a 15 years old Daniel where his sister was murdered brutally by an anonymous person. The murder actually took place 5 years ago when he and his sister played hide and seek with him but suddenly his sister went missing. After his parents call the cops to search for their missing daughter, the police could not find anything even a single lead where Daniel's sister Naomi could gone through. Couple days later on a chilly evening in mid November, the police called Mr and Mrs Flethcer that they have found Naomi disemboweled corpse. The murderer was so brutal chunks of her tighs were bitten off by the murderer. The police search clueless for months who was the supposed killer. Now Daniel the same age when her sister was murdered is being protected heavily by their parents but a teenager's mindset is so stubborn that Daniel often leave home to go to his friends house without informing his parents. One evening after doing a group assignment, Daniel felt a presence of a man that is stalking him and frankly Daniel realize it and when he see the man suddenly he felt that he knows this person. Daniel is an introvert that has a quite unique hobby of reading horror novels and watching the cbh news chanel that always reports on missing children accros the America. The funny thing is after several days gone missing the cops always found the body of the child brutally disemboweled and bitten off and Daniel remembers that her sister was murdered the same way as these teenagers. Daniel has a promise inside him that he will found who murdered his sister and with him being stalked he is actually happy because now he could found out who the murderer was. Daniel told his parents about the stalker and immediately called the cops while his father is calm as the water like people oftenly said. Daniel knew that for this past few years whenever the murder happen, his father always has somesort of business meetings within the same area as those murders and quite frankly as Daniel has been followed by this person for days, his father does not go on a business trip or what so ever. Daniel told his mom about this and at first she was in disbelieve and denial witht his husband is a murderer but when Daniel link the murder with his father's absence to the same area, Daniel's mother become quite troubled after hearing this. Later on his mother Laura inform this disturbing news to the police and the police agree to keep an eye on Daniel in secret. Few weeks have past and in the evening with Daniel's routine on going to his friend's Jacob to play some games, the stalker appears with a hoodie and mask and wants to grab Daniel but the police shows up and catch this murderer and with no surprise it is him, Daniel's own father is behind that mask. Later they found out that he has some sort of illness where for every once in a while which is 1 month his father's lust for killing emerges and this mental illness later on become so cronic even he could not resist on killing his son. Daniel seeing this is very happy that he caught his sister murderer but in secret he to also learns his father's mistakes so he would not do the mistakes that his father did while stalking him.
ReplyDeleteWise words from Adrian: Well. His father did it! He will need to be a key character in the novel and you should try to make his father a somewhat sympathetic character. This would give your novel more psychological depth than if you simply portray him as a creepy villain. It will also make the twist more surprising and horrific.
DeleteYou version: “This story is a classic murder mistery where the main character is a 15 years old Daniel where his sister was murdered brutally by an anonymous person. The murder actually took place 5 years ago when he and his sister played hide and seek with him but suddenly his sister went missing. After his parents call the cops to search for their missing daughter, the police could not find anything even a single lead where Daniel's sister Naomi could gone through.”
My version: “This story is a classic murder mystery where the main character is the 15 year-old Daniel where his sister Naomi has been brutally murdered by an unknown person. The murder had actually taken place five years ago when they were playing hide and seek and she suddenly went missing. His parents called the police, and despite their search for the missing Naomi, they did not find anything and had no leads as to where Daniel's sister had gone.”
This story takes modern romance to a whole new level. Set in the future where technology has improved drastically almost everywhere in the world, humans have grown dependent on all these sophisticated devices, even to determine their life partners. This is possible due to an artificial intelligence device called the Coach. The Coach has its own algorithm that guarantees the match of the couples by almost 100%. However, in order to fulfill that, you must go through a series of trial and error. The system sets you up on multiple blind dates with different people to adjust the compatibility of your personalities with your one true love. What’s most interesting is, you get to know the expiry date of your relationship with the person you’re set up with.
ReplyDeleteTalia, an optimistic young adult who’s new to the Coach’s system, goes on her first blind date with Dean and is surprised to find out that the expiry date of her relationship with him is only 12 hours. They spend their short time together by having a nice dinner and talking all night. Despite the short amount of time, they developed a strong connection with one another. The two moved on as the Coach assigns both of them to go on another blind date with different people. These new relationships don’t satisfy neither Talia nor Dean. Poor Dean gets assigned to a new partner that has an expiry date of 3 years even when they hate each other. As for Talia, she starts to get sick and tired of being forced to be assigned to new partners who aren’t as compatible as her devastatingly short relationship with Dean.
Their suffering stops when Talia and Dean are matched together for the second time by the Coach. However, they decide to not look at their expiry dates this time so they can fully enjoy their time together without having to worry about the inevitable separation. Talia begins to question the Coach’s system that keeps setting them up with incompatible partners when they feel like they should be together. Frustrated with the system, they decide to ditch the Coach completely and ruin the device. Surprisingly, the words “100% match” suddenly comes out of the device. It turns out, rebelling against the Coach is the system’s way to test the couples’ willingness to be together.
Wise words from Adrian: The “algorithm that guarantees the match of the couples by almost 100%” is a plot device that a lot of people will be fascinated by especially in this day and age of online dating and marriage sites. Then, the failures of “The Coach” app should create the opportunity for you to talk about some interesting episodes involving “incompatible partners”. This is a premise has a lot of potential. “Rebelling against the Coach is the system’s way to test the couples’ willingness to be together”: a great twist. As you claim: “This story takes modern romance to a whole new level.”
DeleteYou version: “Frustrated with the system, they decide to ditch the Coach completely and ruin the device. Surprisingly, the words “100% match” suddenly comes out of the device. It turns out, rebelling against the Coach is the system’s way to test the couples’ willingness to be together.”
My version: “Frustrated with the system, they decide to ditch the Coach device completely and destroy it. However, surprisingly, the device shows the words “100% match”. It turns out, rebelling against the Coach is the system’s way to test the couples’ willingness to be together.”
This story is an epitome of the intersection between human greed and science; takes place in a mansion located in a deep forest in California, some time in 2075. It revolves around the lives of George (a scientist), Sandra (a judge), James (an entrepreneur), Logan (a manual labour) and Emma (a housewife). The story sets off by describing how everyone is casually living their ordinary lives according to their respective professions and roles, until one day, each of them receives a mysterious invitation from a mutual friend to attend a party at a mansion with their other old friends. They think that the invitation looks legitimate, therefore, they decide to go without any skepticisms. As they arrive and enter the mansion, assuming that it is owned by one of their old friends, everything looks suspicious. It turns out that none of them knows each other. There seems to have no reunion parties held; they are terrified and wanting to leave, but every way out is locked. It is by then that they realise that they have been kidnapped by an anonymous entity who claims to be their mutual friend.
ReplyDeleteThey try to escape with every way possible, but no one succeeds. They see a set of instructions on the dining table that states the only way out is to sacrifice one person from their group, otherwise the anonymous entity will randomly kill anybody. They only have 24 hours to come up with a name, and after that 24 hours, someone will have to die. Afterwards, they will have another 24 hours to decide on a name, otherwise someone else has to die. It works that way until somebody is sacrificed, but there also needs to be consent from the person. The instruction also states that they have all the rights to enjoy all the facilities in the mansion, and three meals a day are provided. They must gather around every day to discuss who to be sacrificed, and everybody needs to justify why they shouldn’t be the one chosen and why they are coming up with a particular name.
During the first 24 hours, they have not come up with a name, and when the first day elapses, Logan dies mysteriously in the bathroom with no bruises or blood. On the second day, they still have not come up with a name, and Sandra dies in her bedroom. On the third day, the same thing happens, but this time James dies by the swimming pool. On the fourth day, Emma dies on the balcony. In the end, everyone dies except George because he is the individual who kidnaps everyone in the first place. George, who is a scientist, is conducting research in developing a resurrection technology, and requires samples for the experiment. However, the main reason for choosing those people to be kidnapped is that they are all, in different ways, related to the scientist, and the scientist wants to take revenge for the actions that everyone else has committed against him.
Wise words from Adrian: I like the way you name all the central characters right at the beginning. I also like the statement about what the story’s theme is. This is another variation on the topic of coping with a dystopia. The good thing about novels that place characters in a dystopian environment is that they create unusual or even extreme moral dilemmas. This seems like a plot for a short story; I am unsure that the narration of these events will stretch to a novel. This may be because you haven’t said how the story will end.
DeleteYou version: “During the first 24 hours, they have not come up with a name, and when the first day elapses, Logan dies mysteriously in the bathroom with no bruises or blood. On the second day, they still have not come up with a name, and Sandra dies in her bedroom. On the third day, the same thing happens, but this time James dies by the swimming pool. On the fourth day, Emma dies on the balcony. In the end, everyone dies except George because he is the individual who kidnaps everyone in the first place. George, who is a scientist, is conducting research in developing a resurrection technology, and requires samples for the experiment.”
My version: “The first 24 hours elapses without them coming up with a name, and Logan dies mysteriously in the bathroom with no bruises or blood. After the second day, they still have not come up with a name, and Sandra dies in her bedroom. On the third day, the same thing happens, but this time James dies by the swimming pool. On the fourth day, Emma dies on the balcony. In the end, everyone dies except George: this is because he is the individual who had kidnapped everyone in the first place. He is a scientist who is conducting research into developing a resurrection technology, and he requires samples for the experiment.”
Long ago, when the words of the gods still resonated in the hearts of men. The world had fallen into ruin due to the spread of monsters called "Demons". The nobles of House Nyx uses their god-given powers to purge this scourge caused by the demons from the land, eventually earning people's trust and spreading their influence throughout the realm.
ReplyDeleteOther lords voiced their support for the House of Nyx to lead the people, and the gods sought to select a king from among those men. An absolute sovereign to sit atop the throne of the world's first kingdom. There were two candidates one was ambitious and charismatic leader, and the youngest son of the House of Nyx: Amadeus Nyx Scientia. The other was righteous, Catullus's older brother who devoted his life for the people and kind-hearted person: Salieri Nyx Izunia. Salieri wields the power of curing people of what ails them, but using the power regularly makes Salieri slowly consumed by the hatred of demons.
Eventually the voiced of the gods has been heard, the gods have chosen Salieri as the first and founder king of the kingdom. At the coronation day, Amadeus makes a surprising statement that he is the one who has been chosen by the gods and challenges Salieri into a duel that will decide their fate. In the battle, suddenly Salieri became a demon that Amadeus wanted and this makes the gods give the title of a king to Amadeus. In the end, Amadeus gives the name to the kingdom as "Izunia". Cursed to live as an immortal monster, Salieri was dubbed "Cattalus" and imprisoned on the isle of Insomnia, where his hatred for the kingdom grew stronger every day and he vows to take revenge on the royal family of Nyx.
Wise words from Adrian: This is an epic tale with mythological or supernatural characters (I think) and kings and kingdoms, This gives you the opportunity to create a complex story with intrigue and events and conflicts which are outside the everyday experience of your readers. This means it is a form of escapism but, of course, the novel will be all the more rich and resonant if the readers can examine the world around them as seen through the symbols and storylines of your novel.
DeleteYou version: “Eventually the voiced of the gods has been heard, the gods have chosen Salieri as the first and founder king of the kingdom. At the coronation day, Amadeus makes a surprising statement that he is the one who has been chosen by the gods and challenges Salieri into a duel that will decide their fate. In the battle, suddenly Salieri became a demon that Amadeus wanted and this makes the gods give the title of a king to Amadeus.”
My version: “Eventually the voice of the gods has been heard: they had chosen Salieri as the first and founder king of the kingdom. On the coronation day, Amadeus makes a surprising statement that he is the one who has been chosen by the gods and challenges Salieri to a duel that will decide their fate. During the battle, suddenly Salieri becomes a demon just as Amadeus wanted and this makes the gods give the title of king to him.”
Follow me! Let me take you to the lush and vast rainforest of Borneo!
ReplyDeleteBeyond the modern society, six tribes of the wild Borneo lie deep within the trees. Their activities are so isolated from the rest of the archipelago that the existence of these tribes is known as nothing more than an ancient legend. Every solar eclipse, each tribe will put forward a candidate to undergo a mission. Whoever made it to the end will receive the golden idol, which will give their tribe the authority to rule for the next period. With the golden idol, the tribe has a power to take the others’ livestock, hunt or forage anywhere they please and kill anyone who go against the rules. The reigning tribe, Kau’nui, is the largest and the most prosperous tribe out of all. However, the consecutive winning of their candidates for the last 8 years is disliked by the other tribes as they have been cheating their way to the idol.
This story tells about a determined and kindhearted woman from the Tahaana tribe who has been criticizing the injustice system. Her name was Beta. Her tribe has been oppressed by the Kau’nui because the majority of Taahana were females who have been exiled from the Kau’nui tribe. Even a few days before the eclipse rose, a Kau’nui soldier named Deo murdered the candidate of the Tahaana tribe, which is Beta’s uncle, and called it an accident. This raged a fire in her that, at the last minute, she volunteered to replace her uncle as the representative for the Golden Idol mission.
With only her scepter and ambition, she pushed through each challenge towards the Idol. Beta even helped the other candidates and made friends with one of them who almost got killed by a sneaky Kau’nui’s fighter. She still valued unity and respect regardless of the competitive situation because she knew that this was her only chance to make a difference. At the end of the mission, there were only two candidates left standing, Beta and Deo. With the support of the other four tribes, Beta finished the final challenge against him and gain her Golden Idol. Instead of using her privilege, with the power of the Idol, she commanded to break all the existing barriers and illegalized the act of murder. She granted the freedom to hunt, fish, forage as well as connect with whoever and anywhere they desire regardless of the tribe. Since then, the six tribes have become one independent nation with a board of elders from each tribe as the authority, ruling the wild Borneo together while their existence still remain unknown.
Wise words from Adrian: Yet another unique idea and I have already read 80 proposals! This one is some kind of non-modern ‘primitive’ human environment. This is an interesting setting for your novel. I am sure there would be some observations about human nature and modern society as seen through the symbolism and allegory depicted in your story.
DeleteYou version: “This story tells about a determined and kindhearted woman from the Tahaana tribe who has been criticizing the injustice system. Her name was Beta. Her tribe has been oppressed by the Kau’nui because the majority of Taahana were females who have been exiled from the Kau’nui tribe. Even a few days before the eclipse rose, a Kau’nui soldier named Deo murdered the candidate of the Tahaana tribe, which is Beta’s uncle, and called it an accident.”
My version: “This novel tells a story about a determined and kindhearted woman from the Tahaana tribe who has been criticizing the injustice of the system. Her name is Beta. Her tribe has been oppressed by the Kau’nui because the majority of Taahana are females who have been exiled from the Kau’nui tribe. Only a few days before the eclipse rose, a Kau’nui soldier named Deo murders the candidate of the Tahaana tribe, which is Beta’s uncle, and claims it is an accident.”
Hello Sir, Devin here, and this is my story.
ReplyDeleteIt all begin when a man called Freddy (not mercury) met this charming lady called Wati. They fell in love, got married, and later had a daughter, which rather uncreatively they named Fredianawati. They live in this huge, rich, and sometimes funny country, Indonesia.
In the beginning, it was all peaceful and happy. The family live a quite prosperous life, Freddy had a sustainable job as an engineer in a petrol company, while Wati works as a secretary in a government office .Diana, their daughter, well, she is just a regular student at one standard university, who would then graduate to be a law consultant.
The problem starts when Freddy started an affair with his married secretary, Surti. And behind his back, his wife, Wati, also started an affair with Tedjo, her boss. Despite all the affairs, the family holds on, their love for each other- despite being shared with others.
The real blockbuster problem came when Diana had a case where she has to be the law consultant. Her client’s name was Yayan, a handsome- young businessman who got tripped on a tax evasion case. Eventually, Diana won that case, then Yayan fell in love with her and they decided to get married. When their parents meet each other, it turns out that Yayan’s parents were Surti AND Tedjo, who turns out to be a married couple, whew, what a coincidence! And when their parents met each other, that was a very- very ridiculously awkward situation.
Now, in this condition, their parents have 2 different issues, to protect their marriage, and also to protect their “dark” relationship somehow. In the end, they managed to sort things out and survived the whole affair problems. In the end they lived as a happy and loving big family.
Moral value: stick to your loved ones! Be loyal!
Disclaimer: I know this is a really cliché and bad script, I have no idea why the idea of creating this script came across my mind earlier this evening, maybe this is a very clear image of “problem” in the 21st century, and I think scriptwriting is just not my thing. Anyway, enjoy, and have a great weekend!
DeleteWise words from Adrian: This is a kind of romantic novel with adultery at its core. The “what a coincidence” device in your plot is certainly interesting and if the novel explores the “ridiculously awkward situation” creatively, there could be a good deal of humour. If I understand your proposal correctly, there is also a same sex marriage in this story. This novel has the potential to be quite sensational and controversial.
DeleteYou version: “It all begin when a man called Freddy (not mercury) met this charming lady called Wati. They fell in love, got married, and later had a daughter, which rather uncreatively they named Fredianawati. They live in this huge, rich, and sometimes funny country, Indonesia. In the beginning, it was all peaceful and happy. The family live a quite prosperous life, Freddy had a sustainable job as an engineer in a petrol company, while Wati works as a secretary in a government office .Diana, their daughter, well, she is just a regular student at one standard university, who would then graduate to be a law consultant.”
My version: “It all begins when a man called Freddy (not mercury) meets a charming lady called Wati. They fall in love, get married, and later have a daughter, which rather uncreatively they name Fredianawati. They live in a huge, rich, and sometimes funny country, Indonesia. In the beginning, it is all peaceful and happy. The family live a quite prosperous life, Freddy has a sustainable job as an engineer in a petrol company, while Wati works as a secretary in a government office .Diana, their daughter, she is just a regular student at a standard university, who will graduate and become a law consultant.”
For Ainun, being a seventeen-year-old was the weirdest phase in her lifetime. You see, with graduation nearing, she had everything prepared in her mind. She had been accepted in her university of dreams, the University of Gadjah Mada. She had been waiting for the day she would go on a special road trip with her friends to fill their “Bucket List” where they would do activities that they have never done before and would be packed with excitement. She had recently mended the bond between her and her ex-boyfriend. Everything seemed to go well for her. That was until Ainun’s father, whom Ainun hadn’t seen since she was in the 6th grade, showed up at Ainun’s house.
ReplyDeleteEver since Ainun’s parents went through a divorce when she was little, things have drastically changed. Although her mother had been keeping in touch with her father and managed to maintain a strong bond, the same couldn’t be said for Ainun. Ainun had conflicted feelings about her father. They were a happy family once. But a few years later, whenever her mother wanted to visit her father, Ainun would decline her mother’s offer to join her. This made her father feel guilt-ridden and dissapointed whenever he thought about Ainun. So of course, it was a surprise for her to see her father, after 6 full years of no interaction, standing in front of her in a such unexpected time. Since Ainun planned to move out of town, her father thought that it would be a good idea to spend some time together with her. And what better way to reconnect with your father than to do the things you used to do together. Road trips to Bandung. But here’s the catch. The road trip was going to be on the same day she and her friends would go to fill their “Bucket List”.
So, what would she choose? Would she mend her broken relationship with her father? Or would she spend her last days of being a high schooler with her friends before graduating?
A coming of age tale about family, heritage, adolescence and love.
Wise words from Adrian: This is a “kitchen sink” family drama free of magic, science, technology, politics and so on. As you say: “coming of age tale about family, heritage, adolescence and love.” I think it has plenty of potential with a wide audience. There is not a family on Earth that does not have some ‘family stuff’ that could make for a psychological study. Placing an Indonesian family at the core of your story is a good idea because it will make the ups and downs of the narrative personal and realistic.
DeleteYou version: “She had recently mended the bond between her and her ex-boyfriend. Everything seemed to go well for her. That was until Ainun’s father, whom Ainun hadn’t seen since she was in the 6th grade, showed up at Ainun’s house. Ever since Ainun’s parents went through a divorce when she was little, things have drastically changed. Although her mother had been keeping in touch with her father and managed to maintain a strong bond, the same couldn’t be said for Ainun. Ainun had conflicted feelings about her father.”
My version: “She had recently mended the bond with her ex-boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well for her until her father, whom she hadn’t seen since 6th grade, showed up at her house. Ever since her parents had gone through a divorce when she was little, things had drastically changed. Although her mother had been keeping in touch with her father and managed to maintain a strong bond, the same couldn’t be said for Ainun. She had conflicted feelings about him.”
Tessa, our main protagonist began to feel a strange shift in herself around six months prior. Whenever her friend just innocently grazed her arm, she would see her friend’s thoughts. Maybe they were thinking of a boy and she would see that. She would know if that friend has a bad mark on their exam, to if they had breakfast or not. For six months, she just passed it as weird hallucinations. Even though, deep down, she knew something was wrong.
ReplyDeleteAround one month after that, the nation was shocked by a 17-year old part-time librarian who burnt the entirety of the town’s library by electrocution. Eye witness accounts stated that sparks of electricity came out of her fingers, so bright that it caused the witness who was sitting close to her temporary blindness. The 17-year old was petrified by what she did and apologized dearly. The accident was investigated by police, but they didn’t find any inconsistencies that could lead up to a horrible fire.
Not long after that incident, the regional track tournament was in chaos after a 17-year old boy ran 500 meters in just 30 seconds. One witness stated that “I couldn’t even see his legs,” when referring to how fast he ran. He was checked straight away by the committee, but they found no irregularities on him. He was still disqualified because nobody believed that he did that without any external help.
Finally, six months after Tessa felt this unusual feeling, the government issued a statement that every teenager aged 17 must go to their nearest hospital for some so-called “health check”. The message was sent by e-mail, and everyone who received it has to go, failing to do so will lead them to juvenile prison. What was happening was that they realized that something was wrong in those teenagers and are curious as to why. Tessa, who just turned 18, didn’t receive anything.
Little did everyone know, the government was preparing to send those special snowflakes off to a designated camp, to exploit their superpowers and essentially making them slaves, as they would be a better laborer than normal adults. Think about it, a teenager who can control electricity will be beneficial during power losses. Or, they wouldn’t need to exploit much fossil fuels anymore, they can just use those teenagers. The results of the test came back a week after, and those who were deemed as beneficial was taken away. Parents were assured that they’ll have their children back home by Christmas, so when Christmas passed, New Year’s passed, and eventually a year passed, Tessa knew something was wrong. Theories were popping up left and right. It was widely believed that the government was misusing those teenagers. By now, Tessa has found her team to fight the government. All of the members were the same as her, they all just turned 18 when the check-up was done, so they were off the radar. Tessa started with exploring her powers, which turns out, it's about manipulating people’s minds. It’s a story of a group of teenagers who are fighting for others’ rights under a corrupt government. It will be packed with not just action, but we will also see the different dynamics between Tessa's team, which would be filled with their journey to accept each other and to mesh well with everyone even though they come from different backgrounds.
Wise words from Adrian: This is a good piece of writing and it gives me confidence that you can write well enough to produce a novel. It’s about special powers but it’s also about “the government … misusing those teenagers”. This could give the story a wide audience among young people. The storyline could symbolize the teenagers v the world theme. I like the promise that it will not just offer action, but will depict the different dynamics between members of Tessa's team.”
DeleteYou version: “Not long after that incident, the regional track tournament was in chaos after a 17-year old boy ran 500 meters in just 30 seconds. One witness stated that “I couldn’t even see his legs,” when referring to how fast he ran. He was checked straight away by the committee, but they found no irregularities on him. He was still disqualified because nobody believed that he did that without any external help.”
My version: “Not long after that incident, the regional track tournament was in chaos after a 17-year old boy ran 500 meters in just 30 seconds. One witness said: “I couldn’t even see his legs.”. He was checked straight away by the committee and they found no irregularities. Nevertheless, he was disqualified anyway because nobody believed that he had done it without any external help.”
This story takes place in 1978 to 1981, in the early days of criminal psychology. It revolves around an FBI agent (Jonathan Ford) and a Psychologist (Anne Hill) who works together to understand how serial killers actually think. Both of them are hired by the FBI to investigate about the vicious murder that is happening in their town. Around 10 kids have been found dead in a brutal manner and a pattern of how the killings are done can be seen. The killer is still on the loose and the FBI are not close in finding him/her. In order to try to solve this case, Both Anne and Jonathan feel like they need to understand more about why serial killers kill people so brutally. Therefore, They interview imprisoned serial killers. Both the FBI agent and Psychologist go to different prison and interview around 7 people that have committed a serious crime, specifically gruesome murder of kids. The information that they obtain from these serial killers are going to be used to understand how their minds work with the hope of applying this knowledge to solve ongoing cases. From these interviews, they found out that the motives behind the killings is usually attention-seeking, anger and psychological gratification and the victims may have something in common. All the information gathered is recorded in an electrical recording, which will ensure that all the conversation could be listened repeatedly. From this conversation, Anne try to gather every detail that can help her write a book in which the mind of serial killers will be explained, starting with their motives and how they choose their victims.
ReplyDeleteWill the information gathered be enough to find out the pattern of the killings? or would it just confused the FBI even more? thats the question that is going to be answered.
Wise words from Adrian: Wow, this happens to be the very last Session 4 assignment I am reading and it is yet another original idea that is distinct from every other student’s proposal! This has been very interesting for me. No one else has mentioned “criminal psychology”. Judging by the popularity of TV series that are police procedurals, this novel could have wide appeal.
DeleteYou version: “From this conversation, Anne try to gather every detail that can help her write a book in which the mind of serial killers will be explained, starting with their motives and how they choose their victims. Will the information gathered be enough to find out the pattern of the killings?”
My version: “From this conversation, Anne tries to gather every detail that can help her write a book explaining the minds of serial killers, starting with their motives and how they choose their victims. Will the information gathered be enough to establish the pattern of the killings?”
It is a story that combines the biblical world called the Garden of Eden with the earth. The story started with a boy named Yves who lived his whole life in Eden. Everyone knows that Eden is a utopian world. Every Eden citizen can just ask for anything and they will receive it. However, there was only one single rule that God applied there. Everyone that lives in Eden is forbidden to eat the fruit of knowledge or they will be banished from Eden to the earth, a world that full of catastrophes. Of course, no one wants to be exiled from a utopian world like Eden, but Yves was different. He felt super bored living an easy life in Eden where he could get everything that he wanted with no trade-off. He was also curious about the fruit of knowledge and what was the reason behind God prohibiting it. Vivi, his best friend since birth, was always reminding Yves to never approach the fruit of knowledge. But, Yves did it anyway and what's worse is that he dragged Vivi to it. He gained knowledge about what's wrong or right and banished to the earth. God deported Vivi too even though she didn't eat the fruit. However, Yves was expelled but still has got his body with him. Unfortunately, that scenario didn't happen with Vivi. God turned her into a robot because she didn't consume the fruit of knowledge. It made Yves very regretful, he didn't know about this curse when he was still in Eden. So, with a broken heart and an objective to earned Vivi back, he continued living on earth. That's when he met Chuu, a human girl that he became friends with. Chuu taught Yves about all of the things on earth and how it works. They did an adventure together in the search of how to turn Vivi back. Chuu understood how much love Yves has for Vivi while she hid her own feelings for Yves. She knew that Yves will come back to Vivi eventually when they accomplish their mission to return Vivi. In the end, they succeed. While Chuu was contemplating to tell Yves about her feelings, Yves outrode her by confessing his love to Vivi. Chuu has never felt so broken before, hence she chose to end her life. THE END.
ReplyDeleteWise words from Adrian: This seems very close to the Garden of Eden story that is found in Islamic, Christian and Jewish scriptures. It is an interesting premise that Yves actually wants to be exiled to “Earth… a world … full of catastrophes”. But it has a very grim ending.
DeleteYou version: “It is a story that combines the biblical world called the Garden of Eden with the earth. The story started with a boy named Yves who lived his whole life in Eden. Everyone knows that Eden is a utopian world. Every Eden citizen can just ask for anything and they will receive it. However, there was only one single rule that God applied there. Everyone that lives in Eden is forbidden to eat the fruit of knowledge or they will be banished from Eden to the earth, a world that full of catastrophes.”
My version: “This is a story that combines the part of the biblical world called the Garden of Eden with the earth. The story starts with a boy named Yves who lives his whole life in Eden. Everyone knows that it is a utopian world. Each one of its citizen can just ask for anything and they will receive it. However, there is just one rule that God applies there. Everyone is forbidden to eat the “fruit of knowledge” or they will be banished from Eden to the Earth: a place that full of catastrophes.”
Looking back to a city that I once called home, there is nothing left for me here. Since she is gone, every corner in that town is too hurt to look at. Do you know what sucks? Every question that you have in your mind, every logic that you thought never line up. It just answered, well, that is life, isn't it? You can not have both things happening in one moment. I know she wants me to leave this town and start a new life in a new city.
ReplyDeleteShe always knew that I do not belong in this town, and despite many disagreements between me and her. We both want what best for us, but little that we know. When we care about someone, we should not hold them too tight despite we know that something can hurt them. Many days and nights went by as my fear of failing grew and grew much bigger. I knew in my heart she wants me to pursue my dream but it is just hard for her to let me leave. So I'm doing this for her, with a duffle bag in one arm and a single dream that I want to make come true. This is for her
Wise words from Adrian: Is this piece of writing finished? There is no full stop at the end! Another interesting thing is that you gave written this like an extract from the novel rather than a proposal and plot summary. Indeed, it feels like it is the opening of the novel or the text – called a “blurb” – that one might find on the back cover of the novel which people read in a bookshop which might make them want to buy it. So, I will say about this what you have written: it is intriguing.
DeleteYou version: “Looking back to a city that I once called home, there is nothing left for me here. Since she is gone, every corner in that town is too hurt to look at. Do you know what sucks? Every question that you have in your mind, every logic that you thought never line up. It just answered, well, that is life, isn't it? You can not have both things happening in one moment. I know she wants me to leave this town and start a new life in a new city.”
My version: “Looking back to a city that I once called home, there is nothing left for me there. Since she went, every corner of that town is too hurtful to look at. And do you know what sucks? Every question that you have in your mind, every line of logic that you thought would never line up. It was just answered – well, that’s life, isn't it? You cannot have both things happening in the same moment. I know she wants me to leave this town and start a new life in a new city.”
First of all I would to like to apologize to mr Adrian. after the meeting yesterday, my head suddenly spinned around and suddenly nausea hit me really hard, my mom told me to sleep at very early in the night.
ReplyDeleteNow back to the topic…
Do you realize that a vampire is technically invincible when it flews out of the coffin and hunts for blood? regeneration, super sense, super strength, and everything much like superman himself, but it has a signifcant weakness to all of its inhuman power, daylight. It withers and gone from existence if it touches just a pint of the sunray. Now to add to your horror, what if vampire could withstand the rise of sunrise? That’s the experience of our main character Jorge and his family we’re gonna talk about.
In 1939, the Nazis made by Hitler rose to accomplish his dream of having all lands in the earth are filled with germans and waged war throughout the globe. But they thought that mainstream tactics of brute military force wouldn’t achieve that goal, so they pursued to advance every aspect of life to maximize their power, including chemistry, magic, astrology, even paranormal and occultism. And now they intented to revive the long-slumbered incan vampire god who had been sleeping for more than 2000 years to further their arsenal. However little did they know that this being was more than just a redwine-sucking fiend, it was a monster with supernatural power that no modern technologies could surpass its abilites.
Jorge was told a tale by his grandmother that his husband died in a battle with another vampire in the Atlantic sea and now he enherited his grandfather’s sunlike-power ( an energy born from one’s body).
When Jorge heard about his rich uncle kidnapping by the nazis as he knew the information on the vampire god in the colosseum, Jorge rushed to Italy, only to found out that he’s too late to prevent the awakening of the deity. The majestic being had come to life again, and in the face of humans, it stood without taking a glimpse of care to them.
Then on the mountains etna where ancient gladiators remainings still many left undiscover, Jorge and his mother waged the stone for the god to become the ultimate lifeform and you guess it, Jorge won. THE END
Wise words from Adrian: This is thye first vampire story I have seen all week. The ‘Hitler and the Nazis” backdrop is likely to appeal to a wide readership. As your publisher, I would have appreciated it if your outline had taken me from the start to the end of your story.
DeleteYour version: “When Jorge heard about his rich uncle kidnapping by the nazis as he knew the information on the vampire god in the colosseum, Jorge rushed to Italy, only to found out that he’s too late to prevent the awakening of the deity. The majestic being had come to life again, and in the face of humans, it stood without taking a glimpse of care to them.”
My version: “When he heard about his rich uncle being kidnapping by the Nazis because he had had information about the vampire god in the colosseum, Jorge rushed to Italy. There, he found out that he was too late to prevent the awakening of the deity. The majestic being had come to life again, and in the face of humans, it stood there without a care in the world about them.”
September 13, 2016 lived an authoritative gentlemen in the capital. He was the green jacket Swordsman who was tireless. A role model for everyone. his name was Mr Tono Suhardi or often called by his first name, Tono. Pak Tono is a 27 year old Go-Jek driver, he drives a black mio motorbike to carry out his duties. Pak Tono has a wife named Siti Putri. This couple married young because of the matchmaking tradition that is still being applied in their home area, Tegal. They married 7 years ago to be precise on 15 September 2009. Even though they were married young, this couple has not been blessed with a child. They have done various ways including consulting the nearest doctor. Unfortunately, nothing could help them to have a child.
ReplyDeletePak Tono and Bu Siti moved to Jakarta a year after they married in the hope of finding a higher paying job. When he arrived in Jakarta, Pak Tono applied to various companies either as an office boy or as a waiter in a restaurant. But at that time no one wanted to accept his services until one day while shopping at a shop he was offered to be the driver of the online startup company motorcycle taxi, Goj-ek. Pak Tono immediately accepted the offer. This job will not only make him money but he will also receive a black Mio motorbike because he was one of the first 10 drivers who accepted a job at a motorbike taxi.. Not only is his work ethic good, but Pak Tono also has a very humble nature and is also very generous to everyone. Pak tono was so active that he had won the "Driver Of the Year" award for 5 consecutive years by Go-jek. Due to this achievement, Pak Tono's figure is familiar to other Go-jek drivers.
Maybe this is Pak Tono's lucky day because before sunset Pak Tono has been able to complete 25 orders. He also headed home to rest because he rarely got an opportunity like this. Usually he can only come home at 12 at night. As he headed home he suddenly remembered that in two days was his seventh wedding anniversary. He also remembered that his wife had said that he wanted to have gold necklace jewelry but had not had the opportunity to buy it because of the limited money. With all the money he has in his pocket and savings he can raise Rp. 4,200,000. Even though there was not much money, it might be enough to buy his wife a gold necklace. He also came to a gold jewelery shop located near his house. When he got to the shop there was a conversation between him and the shopkeeper
When at Pak Tono's house, he brought up the topic of his marriage to his wife with the arrival of his wedding anniversary in two days. They chat and exchange stories about how they met. They exchanged laughter as they talked about how they had been matched. But in the middle of a funny conversation, his wife suddenly, Siti brought up the topic of how sad she was that she had not had children. The atmosphere that had been happy turned into a sad and tense atmosphere.
The next day came, as usual Pak Tono got up for dawn prayers. After he prayed he woke up his wife to apologize and wish them a happy 7th anniversary. Not to forget that Pak Tono also gave his wife a surprise gold necklace that he had bought two days ago. His wife was very surprised and thanked him immediately. He arrived at an intersection in Antasari at 7:30. Seeing a red light, he finally stopped for a moment to wait for the green light, while waiting for him to check his cell phone to see if any orders had arrived. The green light was seen as he sped away. Suddenly, from his left, a black Avansa car was driving fast then "Bam" Pak Tono was hit. His head broken, his motorbike was smashed to pieces, blood was scattered. Pak Tono died.
Wise words from Adrian: Here is a story set in the ordinary, everyday world without magic, science fiction, alternative histories or a dystopia! Having “Pak Tono … a 27 year old Go-Jek driver” as your central character at the core of your story is a good idea because it will make the ups and downs of the narrative personal and realistic, and this will give the novel wide appeal.
DeleteYour version: “The next day came, as usual Pak Tono got up for dawn prayers. After he prayed he woke up his wife to apologize and wish them a happy 7th anniversary. Not to forget that Pak Tono also gave his wife a surprise gold necklace that he had bought two days ago. His wife was very surprised and thanked him immediately. He arrived at an intersection in Antasari at 7:30. Seeing a red light, he finally stopped for a moment to wait for the green light, while waiting for him to check his cell phone to see if any orders had arrived.”
My version: “The next day came, and, as usual Pak Tono got up for dawn prayers. Afterwards, he woke up his wife to apologize and wish them a happy seventh anniversary. He also surprised her with a gold necklace that he had bought two days previously. His wife was very surprised and thanked him immediately. He arrived at an intersection in Antasari at 7:30. Seeing a red light. He finally stopped for a moment to wait for it to turn green, and checked his cell phone to see if any orders had arrived.”
David Dust looked at the sharp knife in his hands and felt happy. He walked over to the window and reflected on his harsh surroundings. He had always loved the beautiful Los Santos with its suburbs, trees, rivers, beaches, forests. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel Happy. Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Demetrius Demarcus. Demetrius was a wild and a sadistic gangster with a big head and a buffed torso. David gulped. He glanced at his reflection. Although David is a fierce and tough guy who had once helped a poor old pilot recover from a flying accident, was not prepared for what Demetrius had in-store today. As David stepped outside and Demetrius came closer, he could see the cocky smile on his face. "I am here because I want Revenge," David bellowed, in a determined tone. He slammed his fist against Demetrius’ chest, with the force of 4820 cats. “Demetrius, you killed my family” he continued. "I will end you right here" Demetrius replied as he pulled out his knife. They looked at each other with angry feelings. Demetrius rushed to David’s body and tried to stab him, but David bends Demetrius’ knife within a second. Without any second thought, Demetrius started to shot David with his small and hidden gun. Demetrius could hear David’s blood spurting everywhere.
ReplyDeleteWise words from Adrian: Interesting set up and sityation but, it sound like a plot outline for a short story; I am not convinced that the narration of these events will stretch to a novel. Indeed, it sounds like the blurb on the back cover designed to not give much away and yet tempt people to buy the book.
DeleteYou version: “They looked at each other with angry feelings. Demetrius rushed to David’s body and tried to stab him, but David bends Demetrius’ knife within a second. Without any second thought, Demetrius started to shot David with his small and hidden gun. Demetrius could hear David’s blood spurting everywhere.”
My version: “They looked at each other angrily. Demetrius rushed towards David and tried to stab him, but he bent Demetrius’ knife straight away. Without hesitating, Demetrius started shootomg David with a small gun he had concealed. Demetrius could see David’s blood spurting everywhere.”
“You’re right,” Chloe sighed whilst pulling her hand way from his wrist, “maybe in another lifetime.”
ReplyDeleteSean didn’t exactly know what she meant by that. His mind was way too loud to be concerned about the only chance he threw away. Chloe has just come back to earth after a short visit to her home-town. It wasn’t longer than four days since they reunited and yet he has made up his mind; things between him and Chloe should be ended now. This wasn’t easy for him as well, but to deal with all of the celestial mythology issues are just too much for his shoulders to carry.
Being with Chloe is like riding a roller coaster. He has always known that something was different with her. The one pale skinny girl who has always been involved in every aspects of his life—every step that he took, every decision that he made—is the same girl who changed his life four months ago by telling him the truth. Everything he knew about the world, every belief that he used to view life, all changed after that one night he thought was going to be the day where they confess their feelings. He was shocked that it was not the Anxiety Disorder, that the therapist diagnosed her with, that made Chloe loses her mind sometimes. But that didn’t change the fact that it was not only Sean who took care of Chloe. In fact, if it wasn’t for Chloe, Sean wouldn’t be here standing in his dream university after a whole rough childhood with a permanent trauma in the back of his head. That went really lovely, until Sean one-sidedly decided that it was time for both of them to walk on different paths.
“At least,” her soft trembling voice caught Sean’s attention, “I don’t have to wait any longer to reach that.”
Sean’s eyes widened as he knew what she was about to do.
Chloe jumped,
She didn’t spread her wings.
Wise words from Adrian: This sounds a bit like a summary of a short story – or perhaps a film – rather than an entire novel. Is the “Chloe jumped” thing the end of the novel? Or is what you have written intended to be what one might find on the back cover of the novel in a bookshop; a sample of the beginning of the story – its premise - designed only to make people want to buy it and not to tell me, the publisher, where your story goes and what its ending will be?
DeleteYou version: “Being with Chloe is like riding a roller coaster. He has always known that something was different with her. The one pale skinny girl who has always been involved in every aspects of his life—every step that he took, every decision that he made—is the same girl who changed his life four months ago by telling him the truth. Everything he knew about the world, every belief that he used to view life, all changed after that one night he thought was going to be the day where they confess their feelings.”
My version: “Being with Chloe is like riding a roller coaster. He has always known that something is different about her. The one pale skinny girl who has always been involved in every aspects of his life—every step that he has taken, every decision that he made—is the same girl who changed his life four months ago by telling him the truth. Everything he knows about the world, every belief that he uses to view life, all changed after that one when night he thought they were going to confess their feelings.”