Session 4 Assignment
"This novel, set in southeast Asia in the 21st century, is a masterpiece of both simple storytelling and creative symbolism. Though it was written by a member of Generation Z, there's plenty here to inspire readers from any generation and from any country around the world. It is a tale about a nation in the throes of change and a family navigating its way through these times. One is left feeling inspired and full of hope. It is astonishing that this is only the first novel by this brilliant new talent from Indonesia. Bravo!"
~ The Times Literary Supplement, London.
_______________
That was a book review that you had a dream about last night and, in that dream, you were the novelist the reviewer was talking about.
The next morning, by coincidence, you see this mysterious job offer in The Jakarta Post:
You are inspired by your dream to apply but the deadline in this evening at 7.30 pm.
There was a family living in small village located in the Southeast Asia. The family was not rich, they were in fact very poor, but they lived a happy life. Someday, the second child of the family named Jony wanted to go to find a rabbit for dinner in the forest. As he went in to the forest, he saw a tall-figured man with a a long hair. The man asked Jony to follow him to a big castle. After they arrived in the castle, the man asked Jony, “Hey child, do you want to make a better life for your family?” Joni answered instantly, “Yes, of course I want!” It turns out that the man was the king and he said to Jony to become the head chef of the castle because he heard that Jony was a great chef in his village. After Jony agreed, the king paid him a lot of money, and his family lived happily ever after.
ReplyDeleteAdrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: I like the fact that your summary goes from the beginning to the end of your story, just as it should. However, it sounds like a plot outline for a short story; I am not convinced that the narration of what happens to Jony and what he does will stretch to a novel. One question: If Jony was the best chef in the village – indeed, good enough to be a royal chef – why was he poor?
DeleteCompare your writing… “After they arrived in the castle, the man asked Jony, “Hey child, do you want to make a better life for your family?” Joni answered instantly, “Yes, of course I want!” It turns out that the man was the king and he said to Jony to become the head chef of the castle because he heard that Jony was a great chef in his village.”
…to my version: “After they arrived in the castle, the man asked him, “Hey child, do you want to make a better life for your family?” Joni answered instantly, “Yes, of course I do!” It turned out that the man was the king and he made Jony into the head of the kitchen in the castle because the king had heard that he was the greatest chef in his village.”
This novel is about acceptance of oneself. About a teenage boy who was admitted from the start to do an internship in the company he desired. Adrian had always lived with his parents in Bali, but he had to travel to Jakarta alone because of his dream of having an internship. Adrian used to enjoy living his dream throughout the beginning, but it turns out that he is being exploited as an internship student and his team has also received bullies. He also asks himself like “what are the problem that cause me to get bullied?”. He finally knew that the cause are because of his appereance. He has bloated-non-muscular body. We all know in this early century, many people got harrased just because of their appearance. But the ending of this novel is, Adrian was showing a great performance that silenced all of his bullies. This novel shows that intelligence is better than having a good appearance.
ReplyDeleteAdrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: Placing an Indonesian teenager at the core of your story is a good idea because it will make the ups and downs of the narrative personal and realistic. However, naming him “Adrian”… well, I don’t know… it kind of makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, especially when you mention his “bloated-non-muscular body” later. I like the ‘intelligence v good looks’ theme. And bullying makes a for a good story arc. The protagonist goes from a terrible situation, but endures it, learns how to cope, and eventually prevails. If your readers are teenagers, this theme will resonate.
DeleteCompare your writing… “He also asks himself like “what are the problem that cause me to get bullied?”. He finally knew that the cause are because of his appereance. He has bloated-non-muscular body. We all know in this early century, many people got harrased just because of their appearance.”
…to my version: “He also asked himself: “what are the problems that are causing me to get bullied?” In the endm he found out: it was because of his appereance. He had bloated and non-muscular body. The readers will be aware that, in the early part of the 21st century, many people have been harrased just because of their appearance.”
“What happens if we can become mortal?” Kinanthi asked, “Don’t be silly dear, it’s the 22th century. We are all immortal, unlike the olden days.” Said everyone arounds her. This novel is set in the 22th century, when pain nor death no longer exist since the day when the scientist was finally able to “vaccinate” everyone with the elixir. However the world isn’t a utopia, like what the scientist hoped for but it actually is hell on earth. Crimes are rising every single day and humans have became greedier, but no one cares or even know about the warmth that humans used to have since every record about it was destroyed.
ReplyDeleteKinanthi used to be like that until the day she was “transported” through her dream into a different era. It was 2020. She was shocked, how humans could feel pain? And even the mass death all around the world that is caused by something called “virus”. Regardless of that, she somehow felt the emotions that she never felt and even saw before. Human warmth. She saw doctors and volunteers sacrificed their lives into helping others
She then woke up, realizing that the world she lives now is in chaos and she must restore the bounds of human, death and pain to bring the harmony back. Because she believes that within the pain and death itself, the warmth between humans does exist.
Adrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: People have become immortal in the 22nd century? Now, that is an interesting premise. And pain is a thing of the past too? Wow. I see. And the world is a dystopia regardless? Good grief. And she time travels beack to the current day (2020) to see what life used to be like? You’ve got me: this is definitely an interesting set up for a novel.
DeleteCompare your writing… “However the world isn’t a utopia, like what the scientist hoped for but it actually is hell on earth. Crimes are rising every single day and humans have became greedier, but no one cares or even know about the warmth that humans used to have since every record about it was destroyed.”
…to my version: “However, the world isn’t the utopia that the scientist had hoped. Instead, it is hell on earth. Crimes are rising every single day and humans have became greedier. Futhermore, no one cares or even knows about the warmth that humans used to have because every record from those times has been destroyed.”
The story sets in the urban part of Jakarta, lives a family of four. They lived in the slums of Jakarta where there is a high criminal rate and poverty in ever corner of the area. The father was a good policeman who was fired by his captain because that he refused to do an illegal order that the captain give. Two of his child have different dreams. Dani wanted to be a policeman to arrest other corrupt policeman so that this country is clean. While the younger child, Tria wanted to be a succesfull business man to help their family and many other people who is stuck in poverty. When they grew up Dani was a high ranking officer who had clean records that show he is a clean policeman with good intentions for the country. Tria also became a succesfull businessman that help many people in poverty including their mother and father which is why they now live in a big mansion. One day Dani was invastigating a big criminal case which involves a corrupt business man that used to pay his way out of problems and doing illegal things. After some time in research Dani was surprised that corrupted business man was his own younger brother, he was then stressed out of what to do. He didn’t wanted to arrest his own brother which can affect his mother and father live, but on the other hand he had to do of whats right. After some time of thinking he decided to capture his own brother.
ReplyDeleteAdrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: Corruption in the police force is bound to be both a popular and controversial subject for your novel. If you intend the arrest of his own brother to be the climax of the novel, then I think that is a very strong plot idea.
DeleteCompare your writing… “The story sets in the urban part of Jakarta, lives a family of four. They lived in the slums of Jakarta where there is a high criminal rate and poverty in ever corner of the area. The father was a good policeman who was fired by his captain because that he refused to do an illegal order that the captain give.”
…to my version: “The story is set in Jakarta, where a family of four lives. Their home is in the city’s slums where there is a high crime rate and poverty in ever corner of the area. The father was a good policeman who had been fired by his captain because he refused to obey an illegal order he was given.”
This is a story about a high school boy that have a supernatural power. He can see ten seconds into the future when a tragedy about to happened and the available option of action to change that from happening. As results, he uses this to save many lives. He realised that his vision seeing the future is gone for a brief time. One day, he dreamed about all upcoming tragedy that will befall to his family members. Every day he starts his day being worried and stressed because of the life threaten tragedy that he need to prevent from happening to his beloved family. He then met this lovely girl that go to the same school as him. But he was shocked because this girl was in his dream that saved one of his family members from death. This supernatural power has never been wrong about what is going to happened. He cherishes his family and this girl a lot and he began to think of a way to save them in the future. In the meantime, he tries to make many wonderful memories with the girl and his family because he found that the only way to save them both is by sacrificing himself in the moment of the tragedy. Before his death, he wrote his little secret about the power he possessed and why he kept it as a secret. The novel will take the reader to a feeling roller coaster and educate them to be grateful and love your life and family.
ReplyDeleteAdrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: The ability to see ten seconds into the future is a very interesting superpower to give your central character. And I like the way his relationship with a “lovely girl” complicates things and ultimately leads to him sacrificing himself. Presumably, you would tell stories about him using his power. I think, if you succeed in creating an emotional roller coaster, this novel could have broad appeal.
DeleteCompare your writing… “Every day he starts his day being worried and stressed because of the life threaten tragedy that he need to prevent from happening to his beloved family. He then met this lovely girl that go to the same school as him. But he was shocked because this girl was in his dream that saved one of his family members from death.”
…to my version: “Every day, he starts out being worried and stressed because of the life-threatening tragedies that he needs to prevent from happening to his beloved family. He then meets a girl who goes to the same school as him. But he is shocked because this girl was in his dream that saved one of his family members from death.”
The story is about 2 parents name Maanavata and Emberiség, and their child who is born into the world with no senses at all. Their child does not have any of the 5 senses that humans have sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. After birth, the child does not cry as he does not sense anything the doctor's initial thoughts were that the child had died but they sense heartbeats suggesting that the child is alive. A few hours passed in the hospital the child cannot be fed as it does not sense anything the doctor knowing the baby is alive force-fed the child by transferring the food to its organ directly the doctor diagnosed that the child is crippled, Maanavata and Emberiség brought home their child bringing extra help from the hospital to help protect the baby. After a few months have passed Maanavata and Emberiség notice that the baby does not react to sound they brought him to the hospital. The doctor with multiple tests found out that the baby does not have any senses at all. The doctor advised Maanavata and Emberiség to let the child passed away he believed that the baby is not human as it has no senses at all. Maanavata and Emberiség love for their child and their deep pocket of fortune has allowed the child to continue living each day passes Maanavata and Emberiség lovingly care for their child no matter the cost. Do you think a human with no senses is human at all? Does your love for something make that something human?
ReplyDeleteAdrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: Well, this is a grim story with a very serious theme. I wonder if there are enough dillemas and challenges to sustain this plot through an entire novel. It actually sounds like the summary of a short story through which you could explore the philosophical and moral issues surrounding how we define a human. Perhaps, if the child at the heart of this story gained the five senses one by one, it would be an interesting story arc that would create more plot points and new situations for the parents to react to.
DeleteCompare your writing… “Their child does not have any of the 5 senses that humans have sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. After birth, the child does not cry as he does not sense anything the doctor's initial thoughts were that the child had died but they sense heartbeats suggesting that the child is alive.”
…to my version: “Their child does not have any of the senses that humans normally have: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. When he was born, he did not cry because he could notsense anything. Rhe doctor's initial thought was that the baby had died but they detected a heartbeat indicating that the he was alive.”
Hummingbird
ReplyDeleteDavid, a middle-aged guy who lives such a calm and decent life. He has everything he needs. A steady job, financially stable, trustful friend, he has all that. He lives a simple life, work on weekdays and take his cat to the park or go to the book club on weekend. Everything is going fine for him.
However, David doesn’t enjoy his current life. He no longer feels any excitement in life. The massive boredom and emptiness that he suffers by having a repetitive life make him rather a dull person. Sometimes David wishes an UFO would fly over the city and take him far away.
One night, on his way home, David found a strange kid standing alone on the side of the road, hopelessly waiting for someone to help her. The kid asked for an unusual request, then she gives David a pin that looks like a hummingbird as a token of trust. This is where everything started to get really weird.
It starts with his cat went missing. He constantly gets mysterious calls claiming that they found his cat and force them to go to certain places. These calls always happen at 8.39 P.M.
On his track of finding his missing cat, He met a woman who dressed in all red from top to bottom and claim that she came from another world. A world filled with magical creatures and a more advanced civilization than David’s world. Another dimension where we don’t even know it existed. She said she has been trapped in David’s world for 8 years. Strangely, she wears the exact same pin that the kid gave him. Then, she tells David how he will either prevent or cause massive destruction in the next 39 days.
The red woman told David that he is the key to opening a bridge connecting two worlds. With the woman’s help, David wander across the continent to discover all mysteries about the other world and the truth about the hummingbird. With great struggle, David and the woman succeed to open the gate once more, allowing the woman to get back to her world. When she part, she asks David to join her. In thirst for a new adventure, David decided to leave his home.
Adrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: I like the way you set the scene before introducing the woman who dressed all in red. And her predicament is very intersting. Here appearance in the story certainly livens up David’s boring life. However, it’s not clear where your proposed story ends up. Remember this is a plot outline and not the blurb on the back cover.
DeleteCompare your writing… “However, David doesn’t enjoy his current life. He no longer feels any excitement in life. The massive boredom and emptiness that he suffers by having a repetitive life make him rather a dull person. Sometimes David wishes an UFO would fly over the city and take him far away.”
…to my version: “However, David isn’t enjoying his current life. He feels it no longer gives him any excitement. The massive boredom and emptiness that he suffers by having his repetitive routine have made him a rather dull person. Sometimes David wishes a UFO would fly over the city and take him far away.”
Imagine the lives of family members who were separated by the Berlin Wall if it was never taken down. “Words of the East” tells about Luka, a husband to Marie and a father of newborn twins, who failed to cross the Berlin Wall with his family. The Soviet Union fell in year 1991, though China took the reign and continued funding East Germany. It is now the year 2020 and Luka has not seen his family since 1986. Due to the communication that was cut suddenly around 10 years ago, Marie can no longer contact her husband. His children are prospering in the West as software developers and Marie as a nurse. Luka on the other hand is suffering of Covid-19. Due to his resentment of not being able to join his family in the west, he started writing letters for his children in hopes that they will find it someday. He talks about his laborious tasks in the sweatshop, the loneliness he feels before he sleeps, the silence when he wakes up, and the regret in not being able to raise his children.
ReplyDeleteAs China needed to focus their funds in battling the virus in their mainland, they left Germany and the wall was finally demolished. With that, Luka’s children go on a mission to find a way to track him down as the structure of the city has changed vastly in the past few years. In the end, Marie and the twins finds Luka on the bed of their old home struggling to breathe. He insists on not being brought to a hospital as he would rather die now in his home, finally reunited with his family. This novel would include their separate journeys and most importantly, the letters Luka wrote. It is meant to show how communism as a government system has developed through the years and how different it is to democracy and liberalism. The perspectives would change from time to time and the storyline would not be in chronological order. It would start in the year 1986 and end with the reveal of Luka’s death, but in the middle of the story, there would be flashforwards to his children living their life off of the wisdom given by Luka.
Adrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: Oh yes, I find the idea of an alternative history dealing with a different end to the Cold War in Berlin to have a lot of potential. China stepping in to take the place of the U.S.S.R. is also a very intersting aspect. Placing ordinary people, Luka and Marie, at the heart of your story is a good idea because it will make the trials and tribulations depicted in the narrative personal and realistic and will add to the appeal of your novel in the eyes of your readers.
DeleteCompare your writing… “As China needed to focus their funds in battling the virus in their mainland, they left Germany and the wall was finally demolished. With that, Luka’s children go on a mission to find a way to track him down as the structure of the city has changed vastly in the past few years. In the end, Marie and the twins finds Luka on the bed of their old home struggling to breathe. He insists on not being brought to a hospital as he would rather die now in his home, finally reunited with his family.”
…to my version: “As China needed to allocate their funds to battling the virus at home, they withdrew from Germany and the wall was finally demolished. With that, Luka’s children went on a mission to track their father down as the structure of the city had changed vastly in the previous few years. In the end, Marie and the twins found Luka lying on a bed, struggling to breathe, in their former home. He insisted on not being brought to a hospital as he would rather die at home now that he was finally reunited with his family.”
Tells about Jen, a woman who never sees the good in her life. She thinks that she is too fat, too ugly, and too dumb to reveal herself in front of everyone. She becomes this 'mysterious girl' who never posts anything on social media. No friends nor hobbies, her life is full of boredom.
ReplyDeleteBut one thing that she likes about life, is the presence of dim sum food. Every time she eats, she could forget all the bad things that happen to her. However, at the end of the day, she would think again that she has no capabilities and doesn't have any meaning in her own life.
One day, when she is walking back home, she finds a small food outlet with dim lights and no customers in it. Suddenly, an old man came to her, "hey young lady, please come and try to eat my dim sum, there has been no one visiting lately. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried my best to build this outlet for making money but no one ever wants to try it..." Jen feels really sad about him, she then decides to buy the old man's cook. when on her first bite...she feels blessed! this is the most delicious dim sum she has ever tried! "Excuse me, Sir, this is so good! everyone should try this dim sum!", "Thank you, young lady. But, I am only an old man, I don't know how to make my outlet becomes well-known by people."
Suddenly, a spark in her life shines out, she now knows what to do in her life. She wants to help the old man. The dim sum she has eaten must be tried by a lot of people. so then she and the old man, could together make a bigger outlet of dim sum which perhaps would make both of them happier in life. She also realizes, that to be happier, is just doing what you like the most, later then, all good things might come to you.
Adrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: A novel with “dim sum” as plot device! I think the theme of small scale business and entrepreneurship is an excellent idea for a story set in this day and age. I also like the moral of the tale. In order for the novel to have enough material to sustain it, there would have to be all kinds of ups and downs, triumphs and setbacks, and your central character would be able to react to them. This novel could have wide appeal because a lot of people dream of owning their own business.
DeleteCompare your writing… “But one thing that she likes about life, is the presence of dim sum food. Every time she eats, she could forget all the bad things that happen to her. However, at the end of the day, she would think again that she has no capabilities and doesn't have any meaning in her own life.”
…to my version: “But one thing that she likes about her life is the presence of dim sum food. Every time she eats, she can forget all the bad things that happen to her. However, at the end of each day, she always remembers that she has no capabilities and doesn't have any meaning in her life.”
Long ago, lived two races that ruled over the Earth, humans and monsters. Both races lived in peace, until one day, war broke out. The war was instigated by the humans, out of fear that the monsters could absorb their soul. Despite the monsters’ magic, they were too weak too put up a fight against the humans, and was slaughtered by the humans. The few remaining monsters that lived was sealed under Mount Ebott, never to be seen again.
ReplyDeleteThe monsters, now sealed underground, decided to retreat into the deepest part, which they called “Home”. As time passed, they gradually populated more of the underground, and made a capital called “New Home”. They grew bitter at the humans for banishing them, and swore that once they break the barrier, they would eradicate all the humans.
For hundreds of years, no human would climb Mt. Ebott, in fear of the legend that everyone that climbed there would never return. One day, a child named Creuset climbed the mountain to escape from their village. As they explored the top, they tripped on a vine and fell into the underground. They didn’t know at the time, but their fall to the underground marked the beginning a journey that would change everything for monsters and humans alike.
As Creuset traversed the underground, they met many hostile monsters. Despite the monsters’ efforts in killing the child, he never harmed the monsters, always ending the battles peacefully. Somehow, Creuset had gained the respect and friendship of the monsters, and after seeing the kindness that they had, Creuset vowed that he would find a way to let them escape the underground once and for all.
One thing led to the other, and with the help of several friends, Creuset managed to reach the capital with their friends. As they got there, however, they were attacked by a monster named Asriel, who had managed to injure the king and absorb the soul of every monster in the underground. As they fought, things began to look bleak. However, with the support of all his friends, Creuset managed to defeat Asriel. Asriel, as atonement for what he had done, decided to use the last of his power to break the barrier once and for all.
In the end, with Creuset’s help, the monsters managed to establish their lives again outside of the underground. The monsters thanked Creuset for all they had done for them, and began to settle down. With Creuset as an ambassador, the monsters had managed to strike a deal with the humans, and both races lived peacefully and happily once more.
Adrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: You are proposing a story with a backdrop that has an epic scale. I would also say that it is typical of the mythological genre: there is a bit of Game of Thrones about it, albeit not on such a grand scale as we see in George R. R. Martin's books. The leading characters, Creuset and Asriel, however, make the story personal in a way that will appeal to readers because theu will be able to the personal struggle. Your proposal would benefit from stating what fate of the monsters, the threat they pose, Mount Ebet, the struggle of Creuset and Asriel… what do they all symbolize? If you tell the story carefully, you can be talking about other things as well as the action you are describing.
DeleteCompare your writing… “One thing led to the other, and with the help of several friends, Creuset managed to reach the capital with their friends. As they got there, however, they were attacked by a monster named Asriel, who had managed to injure the king and absorb the soul of every monster in the underground. As they fought, things began to look bleak. However, with the support of all his friends, Creuset managed to defeat Asriel.”
…to my version: “One thing led to the other, and, accompanied by several friends, Creuset managed to reach the capital. However, ss they got there, they were attacked by a monster named Asriel who had managed to injure the king and absorb the soul of every monster living underground. As they fought, things began to look bleak. Nevertheless, with the support of all his friends, Creuset managed to defeat Asriel.”
• Cameron is an aspiring photographer ready to make his impact in the world. His love for photography is also complemented by the fact he loves birdwatching just as much. One day, he goes to his usual birdwatching spot only to be approached by a man who's up to no good. He demands Cameron's camera threatening him with a knife. Cameron hands it over and yet the mugger stabbed Cameron anyway. In Cameron's moments as he was stabbed, he thought to himself "Why? What is this man thinking? I did what he asked and yet it still did nothing. What is going on in this lunatic's mind?" before everything went dark. He wakes up in a dream like state where he is approached by an entity claiming to be an angel. It said "You nearly died. As a token for being able to survive, you are given whatever you were thinking before you were here. You wondered what that man was thinking. Thus, you can now hear people's minds. You mustn't tell anyone about this or you'll suffer a fate worse than death: purgatory" Cameron wakes up to a surprise as he can now hear people's thoughts, no matter what. Cameron can't block it out with noise-cancelling headphones nor loud music. He then realises that there is nothing in his head aside from the thoughts of people. It's filled with insecurities, greed, envy, lust and pride. Everywhere around him is just nonsensical and erratic chatter. He finds out that even his mom doesn't truly love him, and that neither he nor his mom know who his father is. He seeks to find solace by hearing the birds chirp at his usual bird-watching spot. He couldn't even get peace and quiet there because no matter where he is, he will always hear someone's thoughts. The climax of the story is that he gruesomely tries to damage his hearing by rupturing his eardrums, to no avail. He is subject to this torture for all his life.
ReplyDeleteThis is jilan adrian :D
DeleteAdrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: It’s good that your outline goes from the beginning to the end of your proposed story; quite a few students produced what amounts to a “blurb” destined for the back cover sleeve. I like the mind reader plot device and the way this turns into a personal catastrophe for him is interesting. It’s quite a dark ending. What would the reader learn from this tale? I wonder what is symbolized by this superpower and its implications.
DeleteCompare your writing… “In Cameron's moments as he was stabbed, he thought to himself "Why? What is this man thinking? I did what he asked and yet it still did nothing. What is going on in this lunatic's mind?" before everything went dark. He wakes up in a dream like state where he is approached by an entity claiming to be an angel.”
…to my version: “At the very moment when Cameron is stabbed, he asks himself: "Why? What is this man thinking? I did what he asked and yet it didn’t save me. What is going on in this lunatic's mind?" And then everything goes dark. He wakes up in a dream-like state and he is approached by an entity claiming to be an angel.”
Story tells about a newly married couple, Olive and Dominic. Three years of marriage, Olive and Dominic were slowly distancing. Dominic started to be busier to his job. Olive was very sad about it because Dominic didn't give his time to his family. Luckily, they hadn't have a child yet. They were always fighting each other--Dominic concerned to his job and Olive, simply, is just wanted to be loved by him. Dominic argued that he was afraid losing his job. He thought that his job were very precious to be kept. Olive did not want to know all of his arguments, she just want him to have a deep talk. Hence Olive couldn't resist her fretfulness, She didn't want to talk to him. Long after four months of fighting, Dominic realised his mistakes. He lamented that he should not have neglected her. As an apologising, Dominic texted Olive to have such romantic time, right after he went back to home with champagne. When he was on his way to his home, he saw a taxi cab surpassed him right few metres after his home.
ReplyDeleteArrived at home, Olive was not in the house. Dominic was very panicked about it. He searched for her on neighbourhood. He asked all of her neighbour, but none of them had an eye on her. Even though he reported to the police, they wouldn't take a chance. He was very sad and desperate.
He became a drunkard. He tried to wander along the beach near of his house. He found so many clues. The climax is he knew that he was wrong after he discerned those clues, and finally Olive went back to her house but with her affair after one and a half year. She wanted to a divorce, but, oddly, he admitted her appeal. After They divorced, Dominic finally found his happiness by his solitude.
Adrian’s wise and encouraging reaction: Interestingly enough, this is the first proposal I have got (in this session 4 assignment) for what is basically a romance story, albeit a troubled romance. The dilemmas and the problems will resonate with your readers. This is a psychological novel about people going through hard times, emotionally speaking. No magic, no science fiction, no dystopia, no war, no politics – just the ugly underbelly of people’s troubled lives. I like the fact that your outline goes from the start to the end of your proposed story. However, it does sound rather like the summary of a short story – or perhaps a film – rather than an entire novel. Would this story fill up a whole novel.
DeleteCompare your writing… “Story tells about a newly married couple, Olive and Dominic. Three years of marriage, Olive and Dominic were slowly distancing. Dominic started to be busier to his job. Olive was very sad about it because Dominic didn't give his time to his family. Luckily, they hadn't have a child yet. They were always fighting each other--Dominic concerned to his job and Olive, simply, is just wanted to be loved by him.”
…to my version: “This is a story about a newly married couple, Olive and Dominic. After three years of marriage, they were slowly groing distant. He started to be busier with his job. She was very sad about it because he didn't give his time to his family. Luckily, they hadn't had a child yet. They were always fighting each other, with Dominic only concerned with his work and Olive simply, wanting to be loved by him.”
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ReplyDelete