Purpose

Student Writing: Troubleshooting & Advice

5 November 2020

Session 6 Class D - 5th November 2020

 CHOOSE YOUR FAVOURITE CLASS D STORIES: 

VOTE FOR FIVE OF THEM



  • This week's task is about writing microfiction
  • I want you to write a (very) short story which is only 100 words long. 
  • It must be EXACTLY 100 wordsnot including the title and your name. THIS IS A VERY STRICT RULE.
  • Do not submit 98 or 99 or 101 or 102 words!
  • Use WORD Counter.net to check the word count HERE.
  • The title can add some nuance or extra meaning. 
  • The story must have an Indonesian dimension: setting, character, perspective.
  • Have your Session 6 teammates check your grammar and punctuation before you submit it to me. 
  • The "best" SIXTEEN from EWS 2020 will be featured in a radio programme that will be broadcast in the UK in December but distributed to you next week.
  • I will issue a letter acknowledging your contribution to the show that you can stick in your portfolio.
Here are four examples:


TEXTS

The Photographic Record by Ian Hornett

Ellie didn't reach the spartan apartment until after the council had taken away the body of her mother's uncle. She'd never met him. She knew nothing about him but was nevertheless the only relative he had left, those in America for generations notwithstanding. He'd had no books. No paper, pens, no television, no creature comforts. Prim. Proper. Joyless. He had only three photos. One with siblings in 1940. A bleak one of him posing stiffly alone in 1959. And a 1972 picture, surveillance-like, him crossing a street, seen from an upstairs window. Was it taken by a lover? Elie wondered.

Ambushed by Jo Coldwell

I fell to the ground like a sack of sweet potatoes. The blood in my mouth tasted metallic and wicked. The pain was dull and everywhere. My vertical eyes peered through horizontal grass blades, tall, teeming greens, nostrils itched by their oniony scent, swaying slightly, dappling me with needles of blinding sun. I glimpsed the horror of a soldier's boots passing. My breathing stopped. Motionless and damp. Chest burning. Roaring silence. I wanted to sleep. Just surrender to the sleep. But I knew it'd be the end. However, as I have been able to describe all this, I obviously survived.

Snubbed by Yvonne Pini

The two geese spent all day shrieking as they reigned over the t-junction they’d commandeered in the middle of the otherwise quiet neighbourhood. Car drivers didn’t want to get out on that corner. Only if motorcyclists were speeding would they be left alone. Cyclists had to gird themselves and aim straight at the birds before escaping hell for leather. Pedestrians had to take a different route. Children didn’t play on that corner any more. The geese’s sullen owner had bought them having lost the election for head of the neighbourhood committee. He tossed goose feed onto the tarmac every morning.

New Promenade Hotel by Bill Lawrance

“There were millions of cockroaches”. No. Delete. Be more level-headed. “There were so many cockroaches.” No. Say “countless” instead. I typed. “There were countless cockroaches in my room.” The PC was on our reception desk. I read the whole thing back to myself. Almost ready to click on submit. I peered through the lobby window at the hotel across the road. Those Johnny-come-latelies thought they were so clever, taking our name, so tirelessly built-up and buffed, and putting the word New in front of it. Our occupancy fell by 20%. Wait till tourists read this, my latest anonymous online review.

More examples...


Cookbooks by Pamela Ennis

Patti was a voracious collector of cookbooks. At last count, there were 2,200 of them. Although she considered herself a self-taught gourmet, she had not yet cooked one recipe. Most nights she stood in the middle of her kitchen; cookbooks opened to dog-eared pages of dishes she yearned to try; cupboards opened, revealing their curious contents; and the expectant refrigerator door gaping too long for efficiency until she acknowledged that she lacked the ingredients for any of them. In the end, she always settled herself in, alone in front of the television, with her cheese sandwich and bowl of soup.

The Moderator by Louise Wolsey

The headstone would’ve been a chance to answer back without reprisal. A chance for revenge. A signal to a world that had been kept in the dark. Sharon, single, twice divorced, wanted “Here lies a capricious, malignant man”. Julia, mother of three, raising them alone, wanted “There were some happy moments but too few”. Elsie, hiding from her wifebeater ex, who was hiding from her tempestuous son, wanted “He taught me how a parent shouldn’t be”. The stonemason’s lethargic expressions had absorbed the siblings’ inclinations. They stood graveside, grim, motionless, dry-eyed. “Here lies John James, survived by three beautiful daughters”.

A Troubling Day by Paula Larcher

Something was troubling Malcolm. He had awoken to a letter from his wife, telling him that she was leaving him, and on the way to work his car was written off in a multiple pileup on the motorway. At lunchtime, Kylie from credit – control informed him that she was pregnant with his child after the works Christmas party, and on the way home, he was set upon by robbers and his wallet and credit cards were stolen. Then, in the evening it finally dawned upon him what had been bothering him; all day long he’d been thinking it was Thursday.   

Shameless by Yvonne Pini

The family had to face it: she was a thief. She felt no guilt about it.  Wasn’t it just opportunism? If something was there to be taken, someone else didn’t want it. If she did, she took it. No equivocation or compunction. Of course, she was sometimes caught, and punished, but remained undeterred. Devoid of conscience or empathy, impervious to opprobrium, she had neither life goals nor morality to guide her. Yet those who knew her did not judge her harshly. That’s just how she is, they’d say indulgently.  What do you expect? Unapologetic, She yawned, stretched languorously and purred. 

24 comments:

  1. Southern Trance by Jilan Kencana

    The southern sea: black sand, cloudy skies and the thrashing of waves will forever be nostalgic to me. Amidst all of life's challenges hurled towards me, the cliffs overlooking was where I would take refuge. Some nights I'd sing in old Javanese as my ancestors would, and some nights the sea would sing back. At first I thought it was in my head, but I started to notice a silhouette of a queen approaching me and singing along. She would beckon me to come with her into the sea. I would reject always, but tonight was different. I had to.

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    1. Southern Trance by Jilan

      The southern sea: black sand, cloudy skies and the thrashing of waves will forever be nostalgic to me. Amidst all of life's challenges hurled towards me, the OVERLOOKING cliffs WERE where I would take refuge. Some nights I'd sing in old Javanese as my ancestors would, and some nights the sea would sing back. At first, I thought it was in my head, but I started to notice a silhouette of a queen approaching me and singing along. She would beckon me to come with her into the sea. I would reject always, but tonight was different. I had to.

      Delete
  2. On My Way Back to Home (The newest one)

    Lempuyangan station,
    I stood at the edge of the platform waiting for the train. All of these misdemeanors around had dragged me into this unwanted miserable pressure. Yeah, hilarity was awesome, but it was no longer satisfying. Sometimes, I strode back and forth hesitantly. Then, I raged because I couldn't. Until I stumbled and fell. In my falling, I saw people walked slowly, even everything was slow. Terrifically, On my right, I heard the train horn closely. Realized, I was going to fall into the railway. I looked to the right, train pass through as fast as my last blink.

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    1. On My Way Back to Home

      I stood at the edge of the platform waiting for the train AT LEMPUYANGAN STATION. THE SURROUNDING misdemeanors had dragged me into this unwanted, miserable pressure. Yes, hilarity was awesome, but it was no longer satisfying. Sometimes, I strode back and forth hesitantly. Then, I raged because I couldn't: until I stumbled and fell. AS I DID, I saw people WALKING slowly, INDEED, everything HAD SLOWED. Terrifyingly, CLOSE on my right, I heard the train horn. I realized I was going to fall ONTO the TRACK. I looked to the right, A train PASSED IN THE BLINK OF MY EYE.

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  3. From the Water by Irene Davina
    “If the water turns clear and fragrant, it means I never tried to hurt you. Even for once” She says sorrowfully as she jumps into the deep river. She was right, the water turns like what she said.
    At once, Raden Banterang realize that he had lost his other half, his wife, Queen Surati. His unfounded jealousy and rage made him believe the news that she has an affair and even try to kill him.
    It is now too late and the mere thing left, is his compunction.
    Since then that place is then called as “Banyuwangi” or Fragrant Water.

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    1. From The Water by Irene

      “If the water turns clear and fragrant, it means I never tried to hurt you. NOT EVEN once” she SAID sorrowfully as she JUMPED into the deep river. She was right, the water TURNED CLEAR AND FRAGRANT. At once, Raden Banterang REALIZED that he had lost his other half: his wife, Queen Surati. His unfounded jealousy and rage HAD made him believe the GOSSIP that SHE WAS HAVING AN affair and WAS even TRYING to kill him. It WAS now too late and, with REGRET, HE FORGOT ABOUT IT. Since then that place HAS BEEN called “Banyuwangi” or Fragrant Water.

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  4. Unregistered by Alby Rayhan Nugroho
    2 days have passed since the child left the Sumatran rain forest, it has finally found civilization. The child scurried around the town trying to find where it is and accidentally bumped a police officer. The police officer looked to where he was bumped, he was shocked seeing a young girl covered in dirt. He proceeded to ask the little girl "Are you lost little girl? Are you being chase?". The little girl was scared by the man but out of desperation she uttered the word "Hospital". The police officer worried for the girl guided her to the nearest hospital.

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    1. Unregistered by Alby

      TWO days have passed since the LITTLE GIRL left the Sumatran rain forest AND HAD finally found civilization. SHE scurried around the town trying to find where it WAS and accidentally bumped a police officer. The officer looked TO SEE WHAT HAD bumped INTO HIM, and was shocked TO SEE a young girl covered in dirt. He proceeded to ask HER: "Are you lost little girl? Are you being CHASED?". The little girl was scared by the man but, out of desperation, she uttered the word "Hospital". Worried for the girl, the police officer guided her to the nearest hospital.

      Delete
  5. For the Nation by Rafi Renardi Sugiono

    This is it
    The culmination of all his efforts. From political favors to questionable partnerships, he’s done everything to reach this point. Next week, his plan will be a reality.
    The president and his supporters are all wicked men. And the wicked will get their justice.

    A week later,
    Vice-President Jono smiled.
    There, at the front page, was the title, “PRESIDENT HASSAN FOUND DEAD IN HIS RESIDENCE!”
    All that’s left now is to spread the president’s dirty dealings, from embezzling to corruption, to the nation, and to take the seat of presidency.
    He grinned. With this, Indonesia has been avenged.

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    1. For the Nation by Sugi

      This is it. The culmination of all his efforts. From political favors to questionable partnerships, HE’D done everything to reach this point. Next week, his plan WOULD be a reality. The president and his supporters are all wicked men. And the wicked will face justice. A week later, Vice-President Jono smiled. There, ON the front page, IS the title, “PRESIDENT HASSAN FOUND DEAD IN HIS RESIDENCE!” All that’s left now is TO TELL the nation ABOUT the president’s dirty dealings, from embezzlement to corruption, and to take the seat of presidency. He grinned. With this, Indonesia WILL HAVE been avenged.

      Delete
  6. We met again by Fakhri

    For the past week, I dreamed of a girl I made a promise with 12 years ago. I still hold into our promise that if we ever meet again, we would continue our unending days of happiness. Today is the day of the speech competition for Hari Pahlawan. I participated in it. At the end I said, “A hero will always keep their promise. "After that, a soft voice called my name, it was a girl with a sweet smile. She said, "You are my hero Budi, it’s me, Bunga, who you protected from an attacking dog 12 years ago.”

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    1. We Met Again by Fakhri

      For the past week, I’D dreamed of a girl I’D made a promise with 12 years ago. I still hold into our promise that if we ever meet again, we would continue our unending days of happiness. Today was the day of the speech competition for NATIONAL HEROES DAY. I participated in it. At the end I said, “HEROES will always keep THEIR PROMISES." After that, a soft voice called my name, it was a girl with a sweet smile. She said, "You are my hero Budi. It’s me, Bunga, who you protected from THAT attacking dog 12 years ago.”

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  7. Vivid Voices by Ayisha Azriella

    I turn my lights off and blow out the candles. There, I sit alone. I can hear them shouting downstairs. It has always been a noisy house. Dad used to come home by 8 and mom by 10. Even then, there’s never warmth in the air. No scent of homemade nasi goreng when I started my day nor the sense of serenity as I went to bed, only neglected tears. I haven’t seen him in a long time. Now, people around us whisper, thinking we’re oblivious. Shouldn’t the voices be gone by now? That’s what the doctor promised last week.

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    1. Vivid Voices by Ayi

      I TURNED my lights off and BLEW out the candles. There, I SAT alone. I COULD hear them shouting downstairs. It HAD always been a noisy house. Dad used to come home by 8 and mom by 10. Even then, there WAS never ANY warmth. No AROMA of homemade fried rice when I started my day AND NO sense of serenity as I went to bed, only neglected tears. I HADN’T seen him in a long time. Now, people around us WHISPERED, thinking we WERE oblivious. Shouldn’t the voices be gone by now? That’s what the doctor promised last week.

      Delete
  8. Who is She ? by Farrel Anugrah

    I’ve just picked my daughter from her friend's birthday that night at Bandung. She was quieter than usual, it looks like she was smiling all the time, she falls asleep at 11.00 pm in her room. At 12.30 she woke me and my wife up telling me that she left something behind at her friend's house, but it seems that she was not feeling guilty or panic she just smiled. And suddenly the phone in the other room rang as I picked it was my friend telling me that my daughter had just had an accident and is now in hospital.

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    1. Who is She? by Farrel

      I’D just COLLECTED my daughter from her friend's birthday PARTY IN Bandung. She was quieter than usual. IT looked like she was smiling all the time. SHE FELL asleep at 11.00 pm in her room. At 12.30, she woke me and my wife up telling US that SHE’D left something behind at her friend's house, but it SEEMED she was not feeling guilty or PANICKING: she just smiled. THEN, suddenly the phone in the other room rang. I picked it UP. IT was my friend telling me that my daughter had just had an accident and WAS now in hospital.

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  9. The Truth Hurts by Ihsani Amalia

    I am beyond grateful to get to spend quality time with my wife on Sunday morning. This has become my apology for her as I couldn't take her to Tawangmangun yesterday.
    My phone rings again. This is the fourth time my son has called me and keeps begging, "Dad, please, just stay with us." But what for? I turn around, looking for my wife to tell her how annoying our son is. But no one is there. Suddenly my body starts to tremble, my chest hurts, and here I am, crying alone, realizing that she will never come back home.

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    1. The Truth Hurts by Ihsa

      I WAS beyond grateful to get to spend quality time with my wife on Sunday morning. This HAD become my apology for her as I couldn't take her to Tawangmangun THE PREVIOUS DAY. My phone RANG again. This WAS the fourth time my son HAD called me TO BEG, "Dad, please, just stay with us." But what for? I TURNED around, looking for my wife to tell her how annoying our son WAS. But no one WAS there. Suddenly my body STARTED to tremble, my chest HURT, and here I WAS, crying alone, realizing that she WOULD never come back home.

      Delete
  10. Indescribable by Jessenia Sarah Aurelia

    Finally, my family and I can be gathered due after waiting for such a long time due to our business. My father who works as a doctor in the capital city of Singapore eventually has a chance to take a break for one week at home. My mother, who is a chef, cook us food for lunch. ”Mom, can you cook a little faster?” asked my brother with a joking tone as he started our family conversation. “yes my darling, im still garnishing your favourite food”, reply mom from the kitchen. Oh how l wish to get moments like this.

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    1. Indescribable by Jesse

      Finally, my family and I COULD GATHER after waiting for such a long time due TO EACH OF US BEING SO BUSY. My father who WORKED as a doctor in Singapore eventually HAD a chance to take a break for one week at home. My mother, who WAS a chef, COOKED lunch food us. ”Mom, can you cook a little faster?” asked my brother with a JOKEY tone as he started our family conversation. “Yes my darling, I’m still garnishing your favourite food”, REPLIED my MOTHER from the kitchen. Oh, how l wish WE COULD HAVE MORE moments like this.

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  11. Love at first visit by Rachael Octaviena
    The wind blew Ina’s hair as she rode her black motorbike across the city of Yogyakarta. This was the first time she had come to this beautiful city. Amazed by the scenery, Ina took out her camera and took hunderds of pictures. “Let’s try to ride the ‘becak’”, Ina said to her friend. Maliboro street was crowded as both of them was enjoying their ‘becak’ ride. Everytime her eyes meet another’s eyes, they replied with a smile immidietly. Ina said to herself that she has never been to a city this friendly. It felt like the whole city welcomed them.

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    1. Love At First Visit by Rachael

      The wind blew Ina’s hair as she rode her black motorbike across Yogyakarta. This was the first time she had come to this beautiful city. Amazed by the scenery, SHE took out her camera and took HUNDREDS of pictures. “Let’s try to ride in a PEDICAB, Ina said to her friend. Maliboro street was crowded as THE both of WERE enjoying BEING PEDALLED ALONG. Every time her eyes met SOMEONE ELSE’S, they replied with a smile immidietly. Ina said to herself that she HAD never been to a PLACE this friendly. It felt like the whole city welcomed them.

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  12. Retrace by Abizar Aulia

    Reza wakes up in a dark, empty, and disturbingly silent temple hall. He doesn’t remember anything. The last thing he remembers is that he is on an expedition to the deep forest in east java all by himself. With his remaining strength, he wanders off the temple. On his way, Reza finds a mysterious journal that, strangely, written by himself. He realized that he wrote it before he lost his memory. He later knew from the journal that he somehow teleported to an undiscovered temple in the remote island near West Sumatera and an unknown creature is hunting him down.

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    1. Retrace by Abizar

      Reza WOKE up in a dark, empty, and disturbingly silent temple. He REMEMBERED HARDLY anything. The last thing he COULD RECALL WAS that he WAS on an expedition to the deep forest in East Java all by himself. With his remaining strength, he WANDERED AWAY FROM the temple. On his way, Reza FOUND a mysterious journal that, strangely, HE HAD written. He realized that HE’D WRITTEN it before he lost his memory. He READ IN the journal that HE’D somehow teleported to an undiscovered temple ON A remote island near West Sumatera and an unknown creature WAS hunting him down.

      Delete