G'day guys, my name is Jilan Nirmada Rencang Kencana, but you can just call me Jilan. I was born on the 26th of March 2002 and I currently live in Jogja. To clarify on what you said earlier in the call Adrian about me having an accent, I've lived in Australia for about 8 years in total. My parents got a scholarship for their Master's and PhD's so my sister and I came along for the ride. Because of this, English became my native language so sometimes I struggle to read and write in Indonesian. If I mentioned all the schools I've been to when I was in Australia it would be enough to fill in the necessary word count for this entire task so I'll mention the two schools I went to where I spent the most time in. They are Campbell High School and Dickson College, both in Canberra. College is Canberra's senior high school only for year 11 and 12 students by the way. Moving on, in my spare time I really enjoy exercising, cooking and going on rides on my awesome sports bike. It's an expensive hobby though because I've already been fined (read:bribed the cops) twice in six months of me owning that bike for reasons I will not mention. When we all finally get vaccines and can finally attend Uni offline I'm looking forward to meeting all my new friends I've made during my time in quarantine; just to make sure that that 18 year old girl from my Management class, whom I spoke to, wasn't a catfish who's actually a 56 year old man living in a basement somewhere. Nice to meet you Adrian!
“I've lived in Australia for about 8 years in total…”
Get into the habit of writing numbers under ten as words.
You wrote:
“I've already been fined twice in six months of me owning that bike…”
The syntax is not quite right here. There are two options. Compare yours to my two versions:
“I've already been fined twice within six months of me owning that bike…”
Or…
“I've already been fined twice in the six months since I’ve owned that bike…”
You wrote:
“When we all finally get vaccines and can finally attend Uni offline I'm looking forward to meeting all my new friends I've made during my time in quarantine…”
[1] Don’t capitalize “uni”.
[2] As for comma usage, at a minimum, I’d suggest you insert one after “offline”. You might consider one after “vaccines” so that the phrase “and can finally attend uni offline” becomes a kind of inserted nugget of additional information. Up to you. It’s a matter of taste and what commas are really about is making the reader’s experience smoother.
[3] Consider this: “I'm looking forward to meeting all my new friends I've made during my time in quarantine.” The phrase “meeting all my new friends” is fine, but then when you say “friends I've made” (and kind of refer to yourself again… “my” and “I”) it feels like a tiny kink in the sentence. Compare yours to mine:
“When we all finally get vaccines and can finally attend university offline, I'm looking forward to meeting all the new friends I've made during my time in quarantine…”
It’s a subtle edit but I think it enhances your sentence.
You wrote:
“…just to make sure that that 18 year old girl from my Management class, whom I spoke to, wasn't a catfish who's actually a 56 year old man living in a basement somewhere.
I think the appropriate response for me to make to this (in Indonesian) is ASTAGANAGA.
Hello everyone, my name is Rachael Octaviena, my friends usually calls me Rachael. I am originally from South Tangerang, but I studied in Yogyakarta since I was in 11th grade. Moving to Yogya is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I personally think Yogya is the best place to study and that is one of so many reasons why I chose UGM. Not like most people, I never knew what I wanted to be until I was in highschool. I started to love Economics because of my teacher. He makes Economics seems very fun to learn and most importantly he made me love Economics. Now I am a student in UGM, I do have plans for the upcoming years. I really want to take the double degree programme to The Netherlands. In highschool, I participated in a student exchange programme to The Netherlands and it is actually one of the reasons why I want to take the double degree programme to The Netherland.
“Moving to Yogya is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I personally think Yogya is the best place to study and that is one of so many reasons why I chose UGM.”
In the second sentence above, I suggest you refer to Yogya as “it” rather than repeat the name of the city. Avoiding repetition and redundancy is one of the ways we make our writing sleeker and more effective. There is not confusion about what “it” refers to because it would read “it is the best place to study”, so the word “place” makes it clear that the word “it” does not refer to your “decision”.
You wrote:
“Not like most people, I never knew what I wanted to be until I was in highschool.”
Two things:
[1] The expression you are looking for is “Unlike most people…” rather than “Not like most people…”
[2] In Adrian World, “highschool” is a spelling error. You should write it as two words: “high school”.
You wrote:
“Now I am a student in UGM, I do have plans for the upcoming years.”
I wonder if you realize what a nice touch the insertion of the word “do” is in this sentence (especially in the context of what you had written about yourself earlier in your comment). Without that context (which is this: “I never knew what I wanted to be until I was in highschool”), inserting the word “do” like you have would be an error, albeit a minor one.
Hello everyone! My name is Alby Rayhan Nugroho you can call me Alby or Rayhan it's your choice. I was born and raised in Surabaya. I am currently a student attending the "number 1" university in Indonesia the Gadjah Mada University, taking the IUP programme for Economics. I'm the youngest child in my family I have two older brother the oldest is currently studying in The Netherlands and my 2nd oldest brother passed away before he was born. I love both watching and playing football (europe) and basketball. Fun fact while playing these two sports I have fractured my ankles three times, 2 on my right and one on my left. Before my injury I was part of my school's football team who knows if I didn't have those injuries I could even be a pro right now. Attending Gadjah Mada university was a spur of the moment choice, previously I was planning to go to a Technical University to take Electrical Engineering. The Corona Virus derailed my plan to attend Twente University in The Netherland to take Electrical engineering as UNAS which was required was cancelled and for some reason The Netherland Government is a tough egg to crack. As I was unable to attend Twente University I resided to my plan B which was to attend Electrical Engineering program at ITS for one year and used it as a foundation year to got to The Netherland the next year. I was accepted in ITS but as you can see I am currently attending UGM. As one optimist man once said look at the silver lining I reflected during lockdown and found out that my real passion was Economics and here I am now. That's my life experience thank you for reading and if you see me being quiet don't think that I'm belittling I just find it difficult to instantly click with a new environment, Thank you for reading.
“…the Gadjah Mada University, taking the IUP programme for Economics.”
[1] There is no “the” before “Gadjah Mada University”.
[2] I don’t think you need to capitalize “economics” but, even if you decide to do so because you see it as the official name of your course, you need to write the sentence like this: “…taking Economics in the IUP programme.”
You wrote:
“The Corona Virus derailed my plan to attend Twente University in The Netherland to take Electrical engineering as UNAS”.
[1] When I saw you had written “Corona Virus”, I immediately thought it looked a bit strange, so I investigated and I think it’s not the right way to refer to it; it should be one word and capitalized, like this: “Coronavirus”.
[2] It’s not “Netherland”; it’s “Netherlands”.
[3] I like your use of the word “derailed” – good word choice – and I also like then idiom you use here: “The Netherlands Government is a tough egg to crack”.
You wrote:
“Electrical engineering as UNAS”
If you capitalize “Electrical” then you must capitalize “Engineering” too (as you do later in your piece of writing). I assume “as” is a typo and was intended to be “at”.
Hello everyone, I’m Irene Davina Kusuma even though I am known as Irene in UGM, I am more used to be called as Vina. My last name, Kusuma actually has zero connections with my Chinese surname, Huang (or Oey in Hokkien) but it is just a family name that my grandpa gave to his children. I was born in Yogyakarta and I’ve been living here since then and I truly love to call this place my home. I have two older brothers and everyone seems to be quite shocked whenever I tell them that I have 14 and 11 years age gap with my older brothers. I y do not have a specific hobby, but I truly enjoy sleeping 10 hours a day, watching Netflix and spending time with my family. I currently take the management class and I also plan to take double degree in Groningen University, Netherlands. I believe that is all about me, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys in real life!
“I have two older brothers and everyone seems to be quite shocked whenever I tell them that I have 14 and 11 years age gap with my older brothers.”
Yep. I am schocked. Add me to the list of people who have been shocked when you told them this!
You wrote:
“I truly love to call this place my home” and “but I truly enjoy sleeping 10 hours a day”.
In such a relatively short piece of writing, as a matter of style, you might consider using the same adverb (“truly”) twice like this. The same goes for other kinds of words, e.g. adjectives, or nouns where they can be replaced with pronouns. We should always try to minimize repetition – unless we do it deliberately for effect – as I have done here (by repeating the word “issue”) in the last sentence of this comment. This is not a grammar issue; it is an issue of style.
You wrote:
“I believe that is all about me, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys in real life!”
[1] The comma after “me” should either be a full stop or a semi colon.
[2] The expression “in real life” raises an interesting issue. There is nothing wrong with what you have written.
However, you being under quarantine, you engaging in virtual learning, you sitting in your bedroom staring at a laptop and wondering when you will get to meet your new classmates… this IS real life!
People refer to it as “the new normal”. If it’s normal then it is real!
Therfore, calling offline activity “real life” – and insinuating that online life is somehow NOT real – seems to me to be a rather ironic thing to say… so, if it were me writing, I would put “real life” in quotation marks to indicate that I have my tongue in cheek.
Hi everyone, my name is Farrel Anugrah Nitema Zega but you can call me Farrel. I am currently living with my parents in Jakarta. Altough me and my family are currently living in Jakarta, the two of my parents come from a small island in Sumatera which is called Nias. Its such a small island but has so many beautiful spots for tourism, usually people come to Nias because of it has so many beatiful beach and nice waves to surf to. I was born in Jakarta at 19 September 2002 which tells that i am 17 years old right now. Right now I am currently studying in Universitas Gadjah Mada in the Economics and Business in the Department of Management. Universitas Gadjah Mada is the University that I choose other than other universities because it’s one of the highest ranked universities in Indonesia and its located in Yogyakarta which is one of my most favorite cities in Indonesia. Yogyakarta for me is a beatiful city with suc a rich culture and many nice places to hangout and explore. I am looking forward to meeting you all.
“Right now I am currently studying in Universitas Gadjah Mada in the Economics and Business in the Department of Management.”
[1] You do not need to say BOTH “right now” AND “currently”. One of the other, not both!
[2] I would suggest you write “Universitas Gadjah Mada” using its English version. So, it’s “Gadjah Mada University” (and NOT “University of Gadjah Mada”) which is its official English (and therefore its international) name.
[3] The words “Faculty of” are missing: “in the Faculty of Economics and Business”.
[3] For what it’s worth, if I were writing it, I would lay it out like this:
“I am currently studying with the Department of Management in the Faculty of Economics and Business at Gadjah Mada University.”
If I were about to write a piece in which these institutions were going to be referred to repeatedly, I would insert the acronyms the first time I mention them, like this:
“I am currently studying with the Department of Management in the Faculty of Economics and Business (FEB) at Gadjah Mada University (UGM).”
Note that I have used “UGM” which is the Indonesian acronyom for Gadjah Mada University (and not GMU which nobody uses or knows).
After writing this, later in my piece if I write “FEB UGM” it’s fine.
As for the Department of Management, we won’t bother with an acronym for that and every time we refer to it simply as “the department”, it is not capitalized.
Ahoy, matey!, I hope you guy are having a fantastic day. Let me introduce myself, my name is Fakhri Adrian Kamal, people usually call me Fakhri. I was born on 20th June 2020, Pekanbaru and currently living in Jakarta. My family and I move a lot because of my father work. The most recent one was 5 years ago, we moved to USA for about a year. It was an amazing experience. The main reason I took this IUP program at Universitas Gadjah Mada is to experience the moment I was studying abroad again. Anyway, I would like to share my hobbies. I enjoy playing music and exercising. Drum has been my instrument of choice since 2nd grade of elementary school. But now, I’m currently practicing guitar and keyboard. Oh I also mention I like exercising. I used to hit the gym a lot, well before this pandemic at least. But I have been doing calisthenic for a while now and it’s really fun! I really hope we all can get along on this long ride of the University life. Also thank you to Mr. Adrian for giving me this opportunity. Can’t wait to meet you all!
Fakhri wrote this in a bit of a hurry, I assume. Insert two emoticons here: a smile and raised eyebrows.
There are any small errors that suggest that you did not “Review. Revise. Submit.”
Compare yours to mine:
“Let me introduce myself. My name is Fakhri Adrian Kamal, and people usually call me Fakhri. I was born on 20th June 2020 in Pekanbaru and I am currently living in Jakarta. My family and I have moved a lot because of my father’s work. The most recent time was five years ago, when we moved to the U.S. for about a year. It was an amazing experience. The main reason I took this IUP program at Gadjah Mada University is to experience the feeling of studying abroad again. Anyway, I would like to share information about my hobbies. I enjoy playing music and exercising. Drums have been my instrument of choice since the second grade of elementary school. But now, I’m currently practicing guitar and keyboards. Oh, I also mentioned I like exercising. I used to hit the gym a lot - well before this pandemic at least. But I have been doing calisthenics for a while now and it’s really fun! I really hope we all can get along on this long ride of the university life. Also thank you to Mr. Adrian for giving me this opportunity. I can’t wait to meet you all.”
See if you find every edit I have made and figure out, in each case, why I changed it.
Hi guys, my name is Ihsani Amalia but you just can call me Ihsa. I was born in Karanganyar, but for the past 15 years, my family and I have been living in Depok, West Java. I graduated from SMAN 1 Depok where most of the students there are more likely to continue their studies in our rival univ. But well, I prefer to choose UGM since I lowkey want to try to live independently. Previously, I did my year 11 and took 6 GCSEs in Four Dwellings Academy, Birmingham. Where the highest grade of GCSE that I took, was from Maths. I do like stuffs that include maths in it, so that is why management is one of my chosen courses. Apart from that, talking about hobbies, I love watching Brooklyn 99 on Netflix as well as listening to artists such as Keshi and LANY. Last but not least, I personally am an active student who likes to be friends with everyone, so it is quite sad to deal with the reality now, but hopefully, I'll see you guys soon next year!
“I graduated from SMAN 1 Depok where most of the students there are more likely to continue their studies in our rival univ.”
[1] If you use the word “where” (to refer to SMAN 1 Depok) then you do not need the word “there”. You could also write it like this: “I graduated from SMAN 1 Depok. Most of the students there are more likely to continue their studies at our rival university.”
[2] We study “at” a university and not “in” one.
[3] Don’t abbreviate “university” as “univ” but you can use “uni”, although I prefer if you don’t.
[4] I note that you do not specify what “our rival university” is. Presumably, you mean the University of Indonesia!
You wrote:
“Last but not least, I personally am an active student who likes to be friends with everyone, so it is quite sad to deal with the reality now, but hopefully, I'll see you guys soon next year!”
[1] “I personally am an active student”. If you are going to say this, then this sounds better: “I am personally an active student”. However, consider this. What information is lost if you omit the word “personally”? I think nothing is lost; it doesn’t add anything.
Introductions, huh. Well, my name is Rafi Renardi Sugiono. For most of my early life, my nickname was Rafi. However, thanks to the fact that I was always in the same class with another Rafi, my friends took to calling me Sugi, and it has stuck since, although it did cause a bit of confusion in senior high, thanks to the fact that there was a student who goes by the name of Sugihartono, nicknamed Sugi too, but it wasn’t too much of an issue. Honestly, if I meet someone new, I prefer they call me Sugi, because I’ve grown comfortable with it. If anyone ever asked me what kind of person I want to be remembered as, I want to be remembered as a kind man, not only because that kindness can go a long way, but it was because that kindness brought me to my closest friends, the people that brought so many memorable memories in the span of 6 years. My first dive into educational territory was with Bakti Mulya. I spent, give or take, 8 years there, starting with kindergarten. Spent 6 years of elementary school there too, though this experience doesn’t really stick in my head too much, don’t know why. Junior high was an interesting experience, though. Out of everyone in my elementary, I was the only one who went to 85 Junior High School, so in a sense, I was alone. In the beginning, it certainly felt like it. I was intimidated by the new surroundings, so I didn’t exactly communicate with everyone. However, I finally befriended a classmate, Fariz, to be exact. From there, I was introduced to the group of friends that would eventually become my best friends. And from there, I started to socialize with everyone in the school. I think that junior high was a moulding process, and senior high printed the product. For senior high, I went to 34 Senior High School Jakarta, located in Pondok Labu. To be honest, this place holds many memories, both good, bad, sad, and those in between. It was at this period that I began to make connections, be it either acquaintances or new friends. It was also my first experience being a committee, specifically for High School Celebration 2019, an annual celebration of the school’s birthday. I also got involved with basketball, particularly through it’s extracurricular, eventually becoming its chairman. Though I made many improving steps and good memories, I also really didn’t like some of its lessons, for the simple reason that some teachers were just…… bad, especially PKn. I have a love for games and sports, even though sometimes my body stature isn’t exactly what anyone would expect from someone who loves sports. Pokémon was my first love in gaming, honestly. It introduced me to the world of games, and introduced me to a method to cope. It’s still my favourite to this day, though Fire Emblem is slowly catching up. Sports, meanwhile, was a hobby that had always existed from elementary. I play futsal, usually with my friends. That activity is usually done every week or so, when we all have free time. But thanks to the pandemic, that became harder to do. I also play basketball, thanks to joining the extracurricular in senior high. That sport grew on me, even though at first I didn’t really like it, because it introduced me to many new friends and acquaintances, and to an amazing community. Though, it was also because it finally got me to slim down a bit. I also enjoy listening to music, particularly gaming music. Pokémon is one of them, but I also enjoy listening to other games, such as Persona and Undertale. I also like to listen to non-gaming music too, though. Mostly pop, though there is a bit of rock in there. That’s all for my introduction, I guess. Thank you for taking the time to look at this massive wall of text, and stay safe out there. Peace.
“However, thanks to the fact that I was always in the same class with another Rafi, my friends took to calling me Sugi, and it has stuck since, although it did cause a bit of confusion in senior high, thanks to the fact that there was a student who goes by the name of Sugihartono, nicknamed Sugi too, but it wasn’t too much of an issue.”
There are too many nice touches to your writing here for me to mention them all, so I am not going to mention ANY of them!
What I will say is this; it’s a very long sentence. It’s a bit like spoken word where ideas run on and on as they are triggered by the previous idea. When written sentences are too long, readers can get a bit confused or even lost. If your reader stumbles over grammar or style, then that undermines the efficacy of your writing. More or shorter sentences, in some situations, make writing more punchy. Bear this in mind.
You wrote:
“Sports, meanwhile, was a hobby that had always existed from elementary.”
The start of this sentence is not incorrect but, once again, it is a bit ‘verbal’. Yes, when we speak, we often insert words like “meanwhile” or “however” having alread started the sentence – and what you have done here with the word “meanwhile” is not an error – but I would suggest that you start the sentence with “meanwhile”. Then you only have to write one comma!
Hello everyone! I hope that by introducing myself, we can maybe be friends in the near future. My name is Ayisha Azriella but for certain reasons, I have been called Ayi for as long as I can remember. I was born and raised in Jakarta wherein everyone always seems to be in a rush. I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go to university all the way in Yogyakarta is somewhat nerve wracking. Although friends I have obtained throughout my school years would come and go as the years passed, I felt inevitably safe in the environment I grew up in. One of the perks about being in my safe zone for all those years would be that I have made some lifelong friends whom I hope would still be contactable in 30 years. Though on the other hand, it means that I might encounter some problems when forced to adapt to a whole new environment.
Needless to say, I am very excited and proud to start a new chapter of my life in the Gadjah Mada University after graduating with an International Baccalaureate diploma. I am excited to meet new people who might share the same passion for R&B music or going on culinary trips with me. Some other things I am interested in include talking about my dream car, Disney movies and baking cookies. With that, I hope to get to know you guys! In addition, if any of you guys listen to PJ Morton or Musiq soulchild, please notify me immediately.
“My name is Ayisha Azriella but for certain reasons, I have been called Ayi for as long as I can remember.”
And those “certain reasons” are (a) important enough to mention in passing like this, but also (b) mysterious enough to be kept secret!
You wrote:
“I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go to university all the way in Yogyakarta is somewhat nerve wracking.”
Are your nerves STILL wracked?
You use the present tense which is not an error. Consider the sound of the sentence when you use the past tense and the present perfect. Compare your to mine:
“I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go all the way to Yogyakarta for university was somewhat nerve wracking.”
Or…
“I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go all the way to Yogyakarta for university has been somewhat nerve wracking.”
You have options.
You wrote:
“I am excited to meet new people who might share the same passion for R&B music or going on culinary trips with me.”
Is “culinary trips” a fancy way of referring to “eating in a nearby warmindo”?
Hello everyone, my name is Nikolas Andika Haryo Sasongko. You can call me Haryo or Aryo(k). I was born on 12th March 2002 at Jakarta. I was raised on Jakarta, but I went to senior high school on Jogjakarta and finally graduated at there, De Britto College. Luckily, I got UGM as my next destination to study. Oh, I also take economics major. Currently, I stay at my family's house on Jakarta and temporarily, not in Jogja due to Covid-19 and my parents feel insecure about it.
About Adrian, to be honest, I do a have great impression on him. In my opinion, Adrian is one of the most interactive english lecture/teacher for the rest of my life. He's having a good head start as lecture to get know more of his friends/students. FYI, I was kind of surprised when I saw my not-so "twins", Jilan. At a glance, He looked similar to me from his glasses, eye, or maybe even cheeks.
Covid-19 pandemic made us to just stay at home. It made me to do my hobbies. I like cooking, reading, and having discussion with everyone. Otherwise, I do love taking photographs as well as traveling on some places which might be interesting for me. Therefore, I need to stay healthy at home. So, I started to do workouts and jogging. Thanks for reading, I hope we can meet next semester while the pandemic really ends. Nice to see you guys, especially Adrian.
“About Adrian, to be honest, I do a have great impression on him. In my opinion, Adrian is one of the most interactive english lecture/teacher for the rest of my life. He's having a good head start as lecture to get know more of his friends/students.”
Do you want me to make the transfer by ATM or do you prefer cash?
You wrote:
“Currently, I stay at my family's house on Jakarta”.
“I am staying” sounds better. Save the expression “I stay” (simple present tense) for situations like this:
“In the past, many tourists stayed in the Sosrowijayan area, but in recent years, increasing number stay in Prawirotaman or at the north end of Parangtristis Street.”
If I meet a tourist in a café, I won’t ask them where they stay. I will ask them, “Where are you staying?” They might answer, “I am staying at Wisma Kutu, but usually stay at Hotel Durian.”
There is a particular way we use the verb “to stay" in the present tense.
Greetings! My name is Abizar Aulia Akbar. I usually called Abizar. Peoples, like gojek driver, often mistake me as a girl because of my middle name, but I can assure you that I am a 100% guy. I was born and raised in Semarang. I couldn’t wait to go to Jogja and experience to be live on my own. After this pandemic is over and we get to do offline class I’ll head to jogja as soon as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hometown as much as my own mayor, but I’d be lying if i say that I don’t get bored of passing the same exact road for the last 18 years. Before the pandemic, I enjoy hiking. It’s my new hobby that I started to do this past 2 years. I also enjoy reading novel. My favourite genre is historical fiction such as books by Dan Brown or Oliver Bowden, but I also open to other genres as well. I was graduated from SMA Negeri 1 Semarang. I always see myself as a man of organization. I joined OSIS since my first year and I was one of the executive member for more than 2 years, which is longer than usual. During my time in high school, I also contributed in a lot of event such as, one of the biggest music concert in my hometown, “Reinkarnation”. I learnt so much during my time as an event organizer and as an OSIS member. I am really grateful of those years. Those are one of the best moment in life. I believe that I intend to bring my excitement of managing event and running organization to college. I am really grateful for being accepted at Gadjah Mada University. Reason why I take IUP program is because I want to get out from my comfort zone and the future prospect that this program offers. I do notice that my English isn’t as good as most of the students here, also I do notice that I still have many things to learn so that I can be equal to everybody here, but I believe that my will-driven personality will eventually adapt and my skill and proficiency will improve overtime
“Peoples, like gojek driver, often mistake me as a girl because of my middle name, but I can assure you that I am a 100% guy.”
[1] It’s not “peoples” (plural). The word “people” already has plural meaning and we use it with the 3rd person plural form of the verb: “People are strange; take Adrian for example.” We only talk about “peoples” when we refer to distinct ethnic groups (for example, within the same region). Like this: “The peoples of southeast Asia have developed some of the most amazing culinary traditions in the world.”
[2] The word “Gojek” should be capitalized.
[3] Compare yours to mine and note the changes I have made:
“Many people, like Gojek drivers, often mistake me for a woman because of my middle name; but I can assure you that I am a 100% man.”
You wrote:
“I couldn’t wait to go to Jogja and experience to be live on my own. After this pandemic is over and we get to do offline class I’ll head to jogja as soon as possible.”
Compare yours to mine. Look carefully at all the edits I make (there are three of them) and see if you can figure out why I made each one:
“I can’t wait to go to Jogja and experience living on my own. After this pandemic is over and we get to do offline classes, I’ll head to jogja as soon as possible.”
You wrote:
“I do notice that my English isn’t as good as most of the students here, also I do notice that I still have many things to learn so that I can be equal to everybody here.”
In terms of how “good” you are at English compared to, as you say, “most of the students here”, don’t let that discourage you. Indeed, I can see that you are enthusiastic and ambitious. If you read through the self-introductions of your fellow IUP students (which is something everybody should so, no matter how busy they are), you will see that in some cases they have lived abroad, sometimes for many years. You have not. To make up for this, you must make sure that there is an English dimension in your everyday life that extends beyond your academic activities. With EWS, read everything, listen to everything, and think about everything you come across on the FEB blog. Embrace it. Throw yourself into it. And with this EWS blog, read as many of my reactiuons to students’ writing as you can. And then try to incoprorate the suggestions and corrections I make into your own writing. There is no reason why you won’t feel that your English skills have improved significantly when we get to December. The opportunites are here. It’s up to you.
Good evening everybody, my name is Jessenia Sarah Aurelia. My friends and family used to call me Jesse or sarah. I was born on Januari the 9th 2002. Since birth until now, i live in Jakarta with both of my parents and also a sister. I do have three persian cats also i do rescue some domestic cats because im an animal lover. Both of my parents work as managers in Bank Tabungan Negara (BTN) and Standard Chartered Bank. Recently, my grand mother has passed away due to her high level of blood sugar. Because of that, my family and i are learning to stay healthy especially in this pandemic by workinh out thirty minutes a day and also doing a clean diet to maintain our blood sugar. Since highschool, i really wanted to get accepted in Gajah Mada University, because i think, if we want to grow, we need a different environment to get knowledge from. Both of my parents are being very supportive to help me reach my own success such as support me in many competition and comitee, to accompany me took the test of the first intake of International Undergraduate Program. Luckily, i got accepted in the first intake. Eventhough i got accepted in an International program, i still need to learn many things especially english and economy, since i was a natural scince student. Hopefully, my lecturer and friends will help me get through this university year and we will be successful in our own way. Thank you for reading my introduction, im sorry if i said anything wrong. I cant wait to see you guys!
Capital “I” for the first person personal pronoun!
Jesse wrote:
“My friends and family used to call me Jesse or Sarah.”
This sentence suggests that they they don’t call you Jesse or Sarah anymore. For example: “I used to live in Sorong but now I live in Yogyajarta” or “My school friends used to call me Coco Tin; oh my goodness, that was 20 years ago because, of course, as you know, I am 35 years old”.
Compare yours to mine:
“My friends and family are used to calling me Jesse or Sarah.”
Or…
“My friends and family usually call me Jesse or Sarah.” (I believe that this what you intended.)
You wrote:
“Since birth until now, i live in Jakarta with both of my parents and also a sister.”
[1] “Since birth until now” is an awkward turn of phrase. How about…
“I have always lived in Jakarta.”
“I was born in Jakarta and have always lived there.”
“I have always lived in Jakarta since I was born.”
You wrote:
“I really wanted to get accepted in Gajah Mada University”
“I got accepted in an international program”
In both these cases, the preposition “in” should be “by”.
Just to complicate matters, in “I got accepted in the first intake”, then proposition “in” is correct!
G'day guys, my name is Jilan Nirmada Rencang Kencana, but you can just call me Jilan. I was born on the 26th of March 2002 and I currently live in Jogja. To clarify on what you said earlier in the call Adrian about me having an accent, I've lived in Australia for about 8 years in total. My parents got a scholarship for their Master's and PhD's so my sister and I came along for the ride. Because of this, English became my native language so sometimes I struggle to read and write in Indonesian. If I mentioned all the schools I've been to when I was in Australia it would be enough to fill in the necessary word count for this entire task so I'll mention the two schools I went to where I spent the most time in. They are Campbell High School and Dickson College, both in Canberra. College is Canberra's senior high school only for year 11 and 12 students by the way. Moving on, in my spare time I really enjoy exercising, cooking and going on rides on my awesome sports bike. It's an expensive hobby though because I've already been fined (read:bribed the cops) twice in six months of me owning that bike for reasons I will not mention. When we all finally get vaccines and can finally attend Uni offline I'm looking forward to meeting all my new friends I've made during my time in quarantine; just to make sure that that 18 year old girl from my Management class, whom I spoke to, wasn't a catfish who's actually a 56 year old man living in a basement somewhere. Nice to meet you Adrian!
ReplyDeleteJilan wrote:
Delete“I've lived in Australia for about 8 years in total…”
Get into the habit of writing numbers under ten as words.
You wrote:
“I've already been fined twice in six months of me owning that bike…”
The syntax is not quite right here. There are two options. Compare yours to my two versions:
“I've already been fined twice within six months of me owning that bike…”
Or…
“I've already been fined twice in the six months since I’ve owned that bike…”
You wrote:
“When we all finally get vaccines and can finally attend Uni offline I'm looking forward to meeting all my new friends I've made during my time in quarantine…”
[1] Don’t capitalize “uni”.
[2] As for comma usage, at a minimum, I’d suggest you insert one after “offline”. You might consider one after “vaccines” so that the phrase “and can finally attend uni offline” becomes a kind of inserted nugget of additional information. Up to you. It’s a matter of taste and what commas are really about is making the reader’s experience smoother.
[3] Consider this: “I'm looking forward to meeting all my new friends I've made during my time in quarantine.” The phrase “meeting all my new friends” is fine, but then when you say “friends I've made” (and kind of refer to yourself again… “my” and “I”) it feels like a tiny kink in the sentence. Compare yours to mine:
“When we all finally get vaccines and can finally attend university offline, I'm looking forward to meeting all the new friends I've made during my time in quarantine…”
It’s a subtle edit but I think it enhances your sentence.
You wrote:
“…just to make sure that that 18 year old girl from my Management class, whom I spoke to, wasn't a catfish who's actually a 56 year old man living in a basement somewhere.
I think the appropriate response for me to make to this (in Indonesian) is ASTAGANAGA.
Hello everyone, my name is Rachael Octaviena, my friends usually calls me Rachael. I am originally from South Tangerang, but I studied in Yogyakarta since I was in 11th grade. Moving to Yogya is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I personally think Yogya is the best place to study and that is one of so many reasons why I chose UGM. Not like most people, I never knew what I wanted to be until I was in highschool. I started to love Economics because of my teacher. He makes Economics seems very fun to learn and most importantly he made me love Economics. Now I am a student in UGM, I do have plans for the upcoming years. I really want to take the double degree programme to The Netherlands. In highschool, I participated in a student exchange programme to The Netherlands and it is actually one of the reasons why I want to take the double degree programme to The Netherland.
ReplyDeleteRachael wrote:
Delete“Moving to Yogya is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I personally think Yogya is the best place to study and that is one of so many reasons why I chose UGM.”
In the second sentence above, I suggest you refer to Yogya as “it” rather than repeat the name of the city. Avoiding repetition and redundancy is one of the ways we make our writing sleeker and more effective. There is not confusion about what “it” refers to because it would read “it is the best place to study”, so the word “place” makes it clear that the word “it” does not refer to your “decision”.
You wrote:
“Not like most people, I never knew what I wanted to be until I was in highschool.”
Two things:
[1] The expression you are looking for is “Unlike most people…” rather than “Not like most people…”
[2] In Adrian World, “highschool” is a spelling error. You should write it as two words: “high school”.
You wrote:
“Now I am a student in UGM, I do have plans for the upcoming years.”
I wonder if you realize what a nice touch the insertion of the word “do” is in this sentence (especially in the context of what you had written about yourself earlier in your comment). Without that context (which is this: “I never knew what I wanted to be until I was in highschool”), inserting the word “do” like you have would be an error, albeit a minor one.
Hello everyone! My name is Alby Rayhan Nugroho you can call me Alby or Rayhan it's your choice. I was born and raised in Surabaya. I am currently a student attending the "number 1" university in Indonesia the Gadjah Mada University, taking the IUP programme for Economics. I'm the youngest child in my family I have two older brother the oldest is currently studying in The Netherlands and my 2nd oldest brother passed away before he was born. I love both watching and playing football (europe) and basketball. Fun fact while playing these two sports I have fractured my ankles three times, 2 on my right and one on my left. Before my injury I was part of my school's football team who knows if I didn't have those injuries I could even be a pro right now. Attending Gadjah Mada university was a spur of the moment choice, previously I was planning to go to a Technical University to take Electrical Engineering. The Corona Virus derailed my plan to attend Twente University in The Netherland to take Electrical engineering as UNAS which was required was cancelled and for some reason The Netherland Government is a tough egg to crack. As I was unable to attend Twente University I resided to my plan B which was to attend Electrical Engineering program at ITS for one year and used it as a foundation year to got to The Netherland the next year. I was accepted in ITS but as you can see I am currently attending UGM. As one optimist man once said look at the silver lining I reflected during lockdown and found out that my real passion was Economics and here I am now. That's my life experience thank you for reading and if you see me being quiet don't think that I'm belittling I just find it difficult to instantly click with a new environment, Thank you for reading.
ReplyDeleteAlby wrote:
Delete“…the Gadjah Mada University, taking the IUP programme for Economics.”
[1] There is no “the” before “Gadjah Mada University”.
[2] I don’t think you need to capitalize “economics” but, even if you decide to do so because you see it as the official name of your course, you need to write the sentence like this: “…taking Economics in the IUP programme.”
You wrote:
“The Corona Virus derailed my plan to attend Twente University in The Netherland to take Electrical engineering as UNAS”.
[1] When I saw you had written “Corona Virus”, I immediately thought it looked a bit strange, so I investigated and I think it’s not the right way to refer to it; it should be one word and capitalized, like this: “Coronavirus”.
[2] It’s not “Netherland”; it’s “Netherlands”.
[3] I like your use of the word “derailed” – good word choice – and I also like then idiom you use here: “The Netherlands Government is a tough egg to crack”.
You wrote:
“Electrical engineering as UNAS”
If you capitalize “Electrical” then you must capitalize “Engineering” too (as you do later in your piece of writing). I assume “as” is a typo and was intended to be “at”.
Hello everyone, I’m Irene Davina Kusuma even though I am known as Irene in UGM, I am more used to be called as Vina. My last name, Kusuma actually has zero connections with my Chinese surname, Huang (or Oey in Hokkien) but it is just a family name that my grandpa gave to his children. I was born in Yogyakarta and I’ve been living here since then and I truly love to call this place my home. I have two older brothers and everyone seems to be quite shocked whenever I tell them that I have 14 and 11 years age gap with my older brothers. I y do not have a specific hobby, but I truly enjoy sleeping 10 hours a day, watching Netflix and spending time with my family. I currently take the management class and I also plan to take double degree in Groningen University, Netherlands.
ReplyDeleteI believe that is all about me, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys in real life!
Irene wrote:
Delete“I have two older brothers and everyone seems to be quite shocked whenever I tell them that I have 14 and 11 years age gap with my older brothers.”
Yep. I am schocked. Add me to the list of people who have been shocked when you told them this!
You wrote:
“I truly love to call this place my home” and “but I truly enjoy sleeping 10 hours a day”.
In such a relatively short piece of writing, as a matter of style, you might consider using the same adverb (“truly”) twice like this. The same goes for other kinds of words, e.g. adjectives, or nouns where they can be replaced with pronouns. We should always try to minimize repetition – unless we do it deliberately for effect – as I have done here (by repeating the word “issue”) in the last sentence of this comment. This is not a grammar issue; it is an issue of style.
You wrote:
“I believe that is all about me, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys in real life!”
[1] The comma after “me” should either be a full stop or a semi colon.
[2] The expression “in real life” raises an interesting issue. There is nothing wrong with what you have written.
However, you being under quarantine, you engaging in virtual learning, you sitting in your bedroom staring at a laptop and wondering when you will get to meet your new classmates… this IS real life!
People refer to it as “the new normal”. If it’s normal then it is real!
Therfore, calling offline activity “real life” – and insinuating that online life is somehow NOT real – seems to me to be a rather ironic thing to say… so, if it were me writing, I would put “real life” in quotation marks to indicate that I have my tongue in cheek.
Hi everyone, my name is Farrel Anugrah Nitema Zega but you can call me Farrel. I am currently living with my parents in Jakarta. Altough me and my family are currently living in Jakarta, the two of my parents come from a small island in Sumatera which is called Nias. Its such a small island but has so many beautiful spots for tourism, usually people come to Nias because of it has so many beatiful beach and nice waves to surf to. I was born in Jakarta at 19 September 2002 which tells that i am 17 years old right now. Right now I am currently studying in Universitas Gadjah Mada in the Economics and Business in the Department of Management. Universitas Gadjah Mada is the University that I choose other than other universities because it’s one of the highest ranked universities in Indonesia and its located in Yogyakarta which is one of my most favorite cities in Indonesia. Yogyakarta for me is a beatiful city with suc a rich culture and many nice places to hangout and explore. I am looking forward to meeting you all.
ReplyDeleteFarrel wrote:
Delete“Right now I am currently studying in Universitas Gadjah Mada in the Economics and Business in the Department of Management.”
[1] You do not need to say BOTH “right now” AND “currently”. One of the other, not both!
[2] I would suggest you write “Universitas Gadjah Mada” using its English version. So, it’s “Gadjah Mada University” (and NOT “University of Gadjah Mada”) which is its official English (and therefore its international) name.
[3] The words “Faculty of” are missing: “in the Faculty of Economics and Business”.
[3] For what it’s worth, if I were writing it, I would lay it out like this:
“I am currently studying with the Department of Management in the Faculty of Economics and Business at Gadjah Mada University.”
If I were about to write a piece in which these institutions were going to be referred to repeatedly, I would insert the acronyms the first time I mention them, like this:
“I am currently studying with the Department of Management in the Faculty of Economics and Business (FEB) at Gadjah Mada University (UGM).”
Note that I have used “UGM” which is the Indonesian acronyom for Gadjah Mada University (and not GMU which nobody uses or knows).
After writing this, later in my piece if I write “FEB UGM” it’s fine.
As for the Department of Management, we won’t bother with an acronym for that and every time we refer to it simply as “the department”, it is not capitalized.
Ahoy, matey!, I hope you guy are having a fantastic day. Let me introduce myself, my name is Fakhri Adrian Kamal, people usually call me Fakhri. I was born on 20th June 2020, Pekanbaru and currently living in Jakarta. My family and I move a lot because of my father work. The most recent one was 5 years ago, we moved to USA for about a year. It was an amazing experience. The main reason I took this IUP program at Universitas Gadjah Mada is to experience the moment I was studying abroad again. Anyway, I would like to share my hobbies. I enjoy playing music and exercising. Drum has been my instrument of choice since 2nd grade of elementary school. But now, I’m currently practicing guitar and keyboard. Oh I also mention I like exercising. I used to hit the gym a lot, well before this pandemic at least. But I have been doing calisthenic for a while now and it’s really fun! I really hope we all can get along on this long ride of the University life. Also thank you to Mr. Adrian for giving me this opportunity. Can’t wait to meet you all!
ReplyDeleteFakhri wrote this in a bit of a hurry, I assume. Insert two emoticons here: a smile and raised eyebrows.
DeleteThere are any small errors that suggest that you did not “Review. Revise. Submit.”
Compare yours to mine:
“Let me introduce myself. My name is Fakhri Adrian Kamal, and people usually call me Fakhri. I was born on 20th June 2020 in Pekanbaru and I am currently living in Jakarta. My family and I have moved a lot because of my father’s work. The most recent time was five years ago, when we moved to the U.S. for about a year. It was an amazing experience. The main reason I took this IUP program at Gadjah Mada University is to experience the feeling of studying abroad again. Anyway, I would like to share information about my hobbies. I enjoy playing music and exercising. Drums have been my instrument of choice since the second grade of elementary school. But now, I’m currently practicing guitar and keyboards. Oh, I also mentioned I like exercising. I used to hit the gym a lot - well before this pandemic at least. But I have been doing calisthenics for a while now and it’s really fun! I really hope we all can get along on this long ride of the university life. Also thank you to Mr. Adrian for giving me this opportunity. I can’t wait to meet you all.”
See if you find every edit I have made and figure out, in each case, why I changed it.
Hi guys, my name is Ihsani Amalia but you just can call me Ihsa. I was born in Karanganyar, but for the past 15 years, my family and I have been living in Depok, West Java. I graduated from SMAN 1 Depok where most of the students there are more likely to continue their studies in our rival univ. But well, I prefer to choose UGM since I lowkey want to try to live independently. Previously, I did my year 11 and took 6 GCSEs in Four Dwellings Academy, Birmingham. Where the highest grade of GCSE that I took, was from Maths. I do like stuffs that include maths in it, so that is why management is one of my chosen courses.
ReplyDeleteApart from that, talking about hobbies, I love watching Brooklyn 99 on Netflix as well as listening to artists such as Keshi and LANY.
Last but not least, I personally am an active student who likes to be friends with everyone, so it is quite sad to deal with the reality now, but hopefully, I'll see you guys soon next year!
Ihsani wrote:
Delete“I graduated from SMAN 1 Depok where most of the students there are more likely to continue their studies in our rival univ.”
[1] If you use the word “where” (to refer to SMAN 1 Depok) then you do not need the word “there”. You could also write it like this: “I graduated from SMAN 1 Depok. Most of the students there are more likely to continue their studies at our rival university.”
[2] We study “at” a university and not “in” one.
[3] Don’t abbreviate “university” as “univ” but you can use “uni”, although I prefer if you don’t.
[4] I note that you do not specify what “our rival university” is. Presumably, you mean the University of Indonesia!
You wrote:
“Last but not least, I personally am an active student who likes to be friends with everyone, so it is quite sad to deal with the reality now, but hopefully, I'll see you guys soon next year!”
[1] “I personally am an active student”. If you are going to say this, then this sounds better: “I am personally an active student”. However, consider this. What information is lost if you omit the word “personally”? I think nothing is lost; it doesn’t add anything.
Introductions, huh. Well, my name is Rafi Renardi Sugiono. For most of my early life, my nickname was Rafi. However, thanks to the fact that I was always in the same class with another Rafi, my friends took to calling me Sugi, and it has stuck since, although it did cause a bit of confusion in senior high, thanks to the fact that there was a student who goes by the name of Sugihartono, nicknamed Sugi too, but it wasn’t too much of an issue. Honestly, if I meet someone new, I prefer they call me Sugi, because I’ve grown comfortable with it. If anyone ever asked me what kind of person I want to be remembered as, I want to be remembered as a kind man, not only because that kindness can go a long way, but it was because that kindness brought me to my closest friends, the people that brought so many memorable memories in the span of 6 years.
ReplyDeleteMy first dive into educational territory was with Bakti Mulya. I spent, give or take, 8 years there, starting with kindergarten. Spent 6 years of elementary school there too, though this experience doesn’t really stick in my head too much, don’t know why. Junior high was an interesting experience, though. Out of everyone in my elementary, I was the only one who went to 85 Junior High School, so in a sense, I was alone. In the beginning, it certainly felt like it. I was intimidated by the new surroundings, so I didn’t exactly communicate with everyone. However, I finally befriended a classmate, Fariz, to be exact. From there, I was introduced to the group of friends that would eventually become my best friends. And from there, I started to socialize with everyone in the school. I think that junior high was a moulding process, and senior high printed the product. For senior high, I went to 34 Senior High School Jakarta, located in Pondok Labu. To be honest, this place holds many memories, both good, bad, sad, and those in between. It was at this period that I began to make connections, be it either acquaintances or new friends. It was also my first experience being a committee, specifically for High School Celebration 2019, an annual celebration of the school’s birthday. I also got involved with basketball, particularly through it’s extracurricular, eventually becoming its chairman. Though I made many improving steps and good memories, I also really didn’t like some of its lessons, for the simple reason that some teachers were just…… bad, especially PKn.
I have a love for games and sports, even though sometimes my body stature isn’t exactly what anyone would expect from someone who loves sports. Pokémon was my first love in gaming, honestly. It introduced me to the world of games, and introduced me to a method to cope. It’s still my favourite to this day, though Fire Emblem is slowly catching up. Sports, meanwhile, was a hobby that had always existed from elementary. I play futsal, usually with my friends. That activity is usually done every week or so, when we all have free time. But thanks to the pandemic, that became harder to do. I also play basketball, thanks to joining the extracurricular in senior high. That sport grew on me, even though at first I didn’t really like it, because it introduced me to many new friends and acquaintances, and to an amazing community. Though, it was also because it finally got me to slim down a bit. I also enjoy listening to music, particularly gaming music. Pokémon is one of them, but I also enjoy listening to other games, such as Persona and Undertale. I also like to listen to non-gaming music too, though. Mostly pop, though there is a bit of rock in there.
That’s all for my introduction, I guess. Thank you for taking the time to look at this massive wall of text, and stay safe out there. Peace.
Sugi wrote:
Delete“However, thanks to the fact that I was always in the same class with another Rafi, my friends took to calling me Sugi, and it has stuck since, although it did cause a bit of confusion in senior high, thanks to the fact that there was a student who goes by the name of Sugihartono, nicknamed Sugi too, but it wasn’t too much of an issue.”
There are too many nice touches to your writing here for me to mention them all, so I am not going to mention ANY of them!
What I will say is this; it’s a very long sentence. It’s a bit like spoken word where ideas run on and on as they are triggered by the previous idea. When written sentences are too long, readers can get a bit confused or even lost. If your reader stumbles over grammar or style, then that undermines the efficacy of your writing. More or shorter sentences, in some situations, make writing more punchy. Bear this in mind.
You wrote:
“Sports, meanwhile, was a hobby that had always existed from elementary.”
The start of this sentence is not incorrect but, once again, it is a bit ‘verbal’. Yes, when we speak, we often insert words like “meanwhile” or “however” having alread started the sentence – and what you have done here with the word “meanwhile” is not an error – but I would suggest that you start the sentence with “meanwhile”. Then you only have to write one comma!
Hello everyone! I hope that by introducing myself, we can maybe be friends in the near future. My name is Ayisha Azriella but for certain reasons, I have been called Ayi for as long as I can remember. I was born and raised in Jakarta wherein everyone always seems to be in a rush. I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go to university all the way in Yogyakarta is somewhat nerve wracking. Although friends I have obtained throughout my school years would come and go as the years passed, I felt inevitably safe in the environment I grew up in. One of the perks about being in my safe zone for all those years would be that I have made some lifelong friends whom I hope would still be contactable in 30 years. Though on the other hand, it means that I might encounter some problems when forced to adapt to a whole new environment.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I am very excited and proud to start a new chapter of my life in the Gadjah Mada University after graduating with an International Baccalaureate diploma. I am excited to meet new people who might share the same passion for R&B music or going on culinary trips with me. Some other things I am interested in include talking about my dream car, Disney movies and baking cookies. With that, I hope to get to know you guys! In addition, if any of you guys listen to PJ Morton or Musiq soulchild, please notify me immediately.
Ayi wrote:
Delete“My name is Ayisha Azriella but for certain reasons, I have been called Ayi for as long as I can remember.”
And those “certain reasons” are (a) important enough to mention in passing like this, but also (b) mysterious enough to be kept secret!
You wrote:
“I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go to university all the way in Yogyakarta is somewhat nerve wracking.”
Are your nerves STILL wracked?
You use the present tense which is not an error. Consider the sound of the sentence when you use the past tense and the present perfect. Compare your to mine:
“I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go all the way to Yogyakarta for university was somewhat nerve wracking.”
Or…
“I attended the same institution for 14 years of my life, meaning that having to go all the way to Yogyakarta for university has been somewhat nerve wracking.”
You have options.
You wrote:
“I am excited to meet new people who might share the same passion for R&B music or going on culinary trips with me.”
Is “culinary trips” a fancy way of referring to “eating in a nearby warmindo”?
Hello everyone, my name is Nikolas Andika Haryo Sasongko. You can call me Haryo or Aryo(k). I was born on 12th March 2002 at Jakarta. I was raised on Jakarta, but I went to senior high school on Jogjakarta and finally graduated at there, De Britto College. Luckily, I got UGM as my next destination to study. Oh, I also take economics major. Currently, I stay at my family's house on Jakarta and temporarily, not in Jogja due to Covid-19 and my parents feel insecure about it.
ReplyDeleteAbout Adrian, to be honest, I do a have great impression on him. In my opinion, Adrian is one of the most interactive english lecture/teacher for the rest of my life. He's having a good head start as lecture to get know more of his friends/students. FYI, I was kind of surprised when I saw my not-so "twins", Jilan. At a glance, He looked similar to me from his glasses, eye, or maybe even cheeks.
Covid-19 pandemic made us to just stay at home. It made me to do my hobbies. I like cooking, reading, and having discussion with everyone. Otherwise, I do love taking photographs as well as traveling on some places which might be interesting for me. Therefore, I need to stay healthy at home. So, I started to do workouts and jogging. Thanks for reading, I hope we can meet next semester while the pandemic really ends. Nice to see you guys, especially Adrian.
Haryo wrote:
Delete“About Adrian, to be honest, I do a have great impression on him. In my opinion, Adrian is one of the most interactive english lecture/teacher for the rest of my life. He's having a good head start as lecture to get know more of his friends/students.”
Do you want me to make the transfer by ATM or do you prefer cash?
You wrote:
“Currently, I stay at my family's house on Jakarta”.
“I am staying” sounds better. Save the expression “I stay” (simple present tense) for situations like this:
“In the past, many tourists stayed in the Sosrowijayan area, but in recent years, increasing number stay in Prawirotaman or at the north end of Parangtristis Street.”
If I meet a tourist in a café, I won’t ask them where they stay. I will ask them, “Where are you staying?” They might answer, “I am staying at Wisma Kutu, but usually stay at Hotel Durian.”
There is a particular way we use the verb “to stay" in the present tense.
Greetings! My name is Abizar Aulia Akbar. I usually called Abizar. Peoples, like gojek driver, often mistake me as a girl because of my middle name, but I can assure you that I am a 100% guy. I was born and raised in Semarang. I couldn’t wait to go to Jogja and experience to be live on my own. After this pandemic is over and we get to do offline class I’ll head to jogja as soon as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hometown as much as my own mayor, but I’d be lying if i say that I don’t get bored of passing the same exact road for the last 18 years.
ReplyDeleteBefore the pandemic, I enjoy hiking. It’s my new hobby that I started to do this past 2 years. I also enjoy reading novel. My favourite genre is historical fiction such as books by Dan Brown or Oliver Bowden, but I also open to other genres as well.
I was graduated from SMA Negeri 1 Semarang. I always see myself as a man of organization. I joined OSIS since my first year and I was one of the executive member for more than 2 years, which is longer than usual. During my time in high school, I also contributed in a lot of event such as, one of the biggest music concert in my hometown, “Reinkarnation”. I learnt so much during my time as an event organizer and as an OSIS member. I am really grateful of those years. Those are one of the best moment in life. I believe that I intend to bring my excitement of managing event and running organization to college.
I am really grateful for being accepted at Gadjah Mada University. Reason why I take IUP program is because I want to get out from my comfort zone and the future prospect that this program offers. I do notice that my English isn’t as good as most of the students here, also I do notice that I still have many things to learn so that I can be equal to everybody here, but I believe that my will-driven personality will eventually adapt and my skill and proficiency will improve overtime
Abizar wrote:
Delete“Peoples, like gojek driver, often mistake me as a girl because of my middle name, but I can assure you that I am a 100% guy.”
[1] It’s not “peoples” (plural). The word “people” already has plural meaning and we use it with the 3rd person plural form of the verb: “People are strange; take Adrian for example.” We only talk about “peoples” when we refer to distinct ethnic groups (for example, within the same region). Like this: “The peoples of southeast Asia have developed some of the most amazing culinary traditions in the world.”
[2] The word “Gojek” should be capitalized.
[3] Compare yours to mine and note the changes I have made:
“Many people, like Gojek drivers, often mistake me for a woman because of my middle name; but I can assure you that I am a 100% man.”
You wrote:
“I couldn’t wait to go to Jogja and experience to be live on my own. After this pandemic is over and we get to do offline class I’ll head to jogja as soon as possible.”
Compare yours to mine. Look carefully at all the edits I make (there are three of them) and see if you can figure out why I made each one:
“I can’t wait to go to Jogja and experience living on my own. After this pandemic is over and we get to do offline classes, I’ll head to jogja as soon as possible.”
You wrote:
“I do notice that my English isn’t as good as most of the students here, also I do notice that I still have many things to learn so that I can be equal to everybody here.”
In terms of how “good” you are at English compared to, as you say, “most of the students here”, don’t let that discourage you. Indeed, I can see that you are enthusiastic and ambitious. If you read through the self-introductions of your fellow IUP students (which is something everybody should so, no matter how busy they are), you will see that in some cases they have lived abroad, sometimes for many years. You have not. To make up for this, you must make sure that there is an English dimension in your everyday life that extends beyond your academic activities. With EWS, read everything, listen to everything, and think about everything you come across on the FEB blog. Embrace it. Throw yourself into it. And with this EWS blog, read as many of my reactiuons to students’ writing as you can. And then try to incoprorate the suggestions and corrections I make into your own writing. There is no reason why you won’t feel that your English skills have improved significantly when we get to December. The opportunites are here. It’s up to you.
Good evening everybody, my name is Jessenia Sarah Aurelia. My friends and family used to call me Jesse or sarah. I was born on Januari the 9th 2002. Since birth until now, i live in Jakarta with both of my parents and also a sister. I do have three persian cats also i do rescue some domestic cats because im an animal lover. Both of my parents work as managers in Bank Tabungan Negara (BTN) and Standard Chartered Bank. Recently, my grand mother has passed away due to her high level of blood sugar. Because of that, my family and i are learning to stay healthy especially in this pandemic by workinh out thirty minutes a day and also doing a clean diet to maintain our blood sugar.
ReplyDeleteSince highschool, i really wanted to get accepted in Gajah Mada University, because i think, if we want to grow, we need a different environment to get knowledge from. Both of my parents are being very supportive to help me reach my own success such as support me in many competition and comitee, to accompany me took the test of the first intake of International Undergraduate Program. Luckily, i got accepted in the first intake. Eventhough i got accepted in an International program, i still need to learn many things especially english and economy, since i was a natural scince student. Hopefully, my lecturer and friends will help me get through this university year and we will be successful in our own way. Thank you for reading my introduction, im sorry if i said anything wrong. I cant wait to see you guys!
Capital “I” for the first person personal pronoun!
DeleteJesse wrote:
“My friends and family used to call me Jesse or Sarah.”
This sentence suggests that they they don’t call you Jesse or Sarah anymore. For example: “I used to live in Sorong but now I live in Yogyajarta” or “My school friends used to call me Coco Tin; oh my goodness, that was 20 years ago because, of course, as you know, I am 35 years old”.
Compare yours to mine:
“My friends and family are used to calling me Jesse or Sarah.”
Or…
“My friends and family usually call me Jesse or Sarah.” (I believe that this what you intended.)
You wrote:
“Since birth until now, i live in Jakarta with both of my parents and also a sister.”
[1] “Since birth until now” is an awkward turn of phrase. How about…
“I have always lived in Jakarta.”
“I was born in Jakarta and have always lived there.”
“I have always lived in Jakarta since I was born.”
You wrote:
“I really wanted to get accepted in Gajah Mada University”
“I got accepted in an international program”
In both these cases, the preposition “in” should be “by”.
Just to complicate matters, in “I got accepted in the first intake”, then proposition “in” is correct!